itinere | Thinking hard (OTA)

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Thinking hard (OTA)

Having made herself to home in both the dreams of Derek and Adam had left Venus feeling both disjointed and thoughtful. Such horror and such darkness, inflicted by other people. Not by chance or fate, but by human beings. It makes her so angry.

Perhaps it is that this place collects very damaged people.

On one of her days off from the health club, before she takes Derek his lunch, she walks. No longer in high heels, but in comfortable walking shoes (cute little pink Keds that please Venus when she looks down at them), she walk. There's just that hint of the coming fall and winter in the air.

Venus trades in optimism. She has to. The world is too dark otherwise. She finds herself sitting on the merry-go-round and thinks of the profundity of hope. Of what it means. Of the power of it. Even if it isn't real, if it's imagined. The idea of hope. "Ask not what this place can do for you," she whispers to herself, letting the words get lost in the breeze, "but what we can do for this place." And the damaged, beautiful people in it.

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It never ceases to make Derek smile when Venus brings him lunch on any day. He's told her before that she doesn't have to do it, but he's since quit saying that because who does it hurt? No one. It makes him happy. It gives him a chance to see her during the day while she isn't behind the receptions desk at the rec center. And it obviously is something she wants to do as well.

It's after the work day is over and everything clean for the next day that Derek makes his way to the front of the rec center to meet up with Venus. He has his gym bag slung over his shoulder. They still haven't talked about what she saw when she was in his dream space. And Derek isn't bringing it up unless she does.

"Hey pretty girl in the pretty pink Keds." He smiles at her. After they're outside and Derek has locked up, he takes her hand in his and they walk together along the sidewalk. He's taken to walking her to her place. Sometimes he stays, invitation or not. Sometimes he goes back to his own place. He's been going back to his own place more often than not since the shared dream. He always kisses her goodnight. If she invites him to stay, he would, he thinks.

"How about we grab some take out on the way?" He asks.

"That sounds wonderful," she says, giving his hand a squeeze. The distance isn't a bad thing, because it doesn't feel like an end. Just a place to breathe for the moment, to find a way to talk about what they experienced. "We can take it back to my place and maybe watch a movie or some such." Maybe go to bed and make love. That's what she really wants to do if he's interested. "Maybe some Italian, if there is such a place? Something very cheesy," she says with and for a smile, "sounds delicious."

"An evening in with my girl, food and a movie? What's there not to like about that?" Nothing, from his perspective. And he wouldn't even mind making out or more. Derek does like the physical. He likes things that make him feel good and Venus is good for him in that way, both physically and otherwise. She's been good for him in the most surprising of ways.

There's a part of him that keeps worrying he'll find a way to break it up and end it before he can get hurt like he usually does. But so far that hasn't happened. He hasn't felt the need to make that happen.

He knows of a place, Italian, not too far from here and he leads her in that direction. "I'm a fan of lots of cheese. This girl I used to work with, Emily, she used to laugh at how I would eat all this stuff, greasy and cheesy and all that. I told her that's why I work out so hard, so I can eat like that." His workouts really go much deeper than that. But he remembers joking with Emily about it.

"Ah, so you're mostly made of cheese?" Venus teases. "I see. Well, that's good to know." She loops her arm through his. They're almost the same height when she's not in her heels and she likes that. She still feels that flush of pride walking with him, that "look what I managed to snag" feeling, which is more than a little vain, but life is short, so she's taking it.

"I will say, though, if it gives you a reason to keep doing the exercises you do," she says, having spent a good many hours watching him squat and lift and bend and things of that nature. It's quite the sight; she doesn't complain.

"Hey I can get a little cheesy sometimes but I think you know that side of me by now." He calls her pretty girl, after all. And sometime flirts in the most ridiculous of ways. Derek Morgan, for all of his macho bravado, absolutely has a silly and fun side that not everyone gets to see.

In truth, Venus has pushed through a lot of the walls Derek puts up. Some of that may have initially been manufactured by whatever makes this place tick. But the bottom line is that it happened, the how is that important. Derek thinks that no matter the how it speaks to who Venus is.

Derek always thinks she looks good in her heels. But there's something extremely adorable about her in heels. Derek thinks she's beautiful either way from the inside out and the outside in.

He chuckles a bit. "Don't think I haven't seen you. You like to watch. Voyeurism's your thing, pretty girl. I get it." He can tease her right back.

"I do like to watch, it's true," she tells him, not bothering to hide her smile. "I especially like that bit you do where you have the weight bar on your shoulders, you squat down, then stand and lift that bar. I think every single muscle in your body works when you do that. Mmmmm."

Leaning into him, her shoulder pressed to his, Venus is more than content to spend all of her time like this. (She's more than a little in love, even with that dream experience. Perhaps more because of it.)

"You are my favorite subject, lover," she tells him, her tone grinning and teasing and flirtatious.

Well, he had been teasing, but as she describes the move to a T, Derek feels something warm starting from the inside out. It's incredibly sexy to be someone's favorite subject, to be paid that much attention, to be the focus of someone's voyeurism in this respect with Venus.

"So... my focus in the BAU was on cases involving obsession." He explains. He also focused on bombings and child molestation cases as well. But his main focus was crimes of obsession because they fascinated him. And he hopes that what he's getting at does not scare her away. "They've always fascinated me. And... I'll admit it, I get obsessed with things and people and places and topics and what not. I mean we're always saying there's a thin line between Profilers and the unsubs we hunt. How can there not be when we have to get into their minds and know how they think, you know?"

And now he's gone off on a tangent and skipped his whole point. Oops. "But what I'm saying is... You're my favorite subject too." What he's saying is that he's obsessed with her. But at this point he thinks maybe he shouldn't say that.

Well, obsession can be scary. Venus knows that. Derek describing what he does tells her that and how he describes his relationship with his work, it does draw her up a little short.

But at the same time, Venus can't help but be pleased that she is anyone's favorite, and most especially Derek's. She reaches up to touch his cheek. "Do you think .... "

She thinks for a moment before she goes on. "Do you think that this place is something of a blessing? That we found each other? I like to think that ... that I'm so glad that I've been brought here and found you."

Obsession can absolutely be scary. That's why Derek had been so bothered by having it forced upon him in that first curse that had ultimately brought him and Venus together. It wasn't so far from his true self. It was a twisted and warped version, like what he might see in many of the casefiles the BAU works back home. But it was still a part of him.

They pause just outside the Italian food take out place. When Venus presses her palm to his cheek, Derek turns his head to kiss the skin there before resting his cheek in her palm.

"I think that you're the best part of this place." Not just because he has very strong feelings for her that he hasn't let himself put a name to just yet. But because she's good for him. She opens his eyes to things about himself that he's never examined before. She understands him, she doesn't judge him, she doesn't push him beyond what he can do. "Don't think I'd like it here without you."

Well, that's a terribly sweet thing to say, too, isn't it? Venus cocks her head, smiling warmly, tracing the apple of his cheek with her thumb. "I think you're my favorite thing about this place, too," she tells him. "And I know I wouldn't like it without you here."

She'd be miserable, really. She is so glad to have met Adam too, who has lodged himself in a different part of Venus's heart, but between these two men, she's quite content to stay here for a good, long time.

That deserves a kiss, doesn't it? She leans in to close the distance, her lips gentle to his.

Derek is good at being sweet and saying sweet things. But he really means it. While he can't say it's a blessing because he and God are a complicated thing, a mix bag of faith and anger, Derek can speak the truth in this without bringing all that internal conflict into it. In Derek's experience, relationships are always complicated enough as is.

And that's what this is, isn't it? They haven't really put a name to it. Venus hasn't pressed him to and a part of him is grateful for that. Derek always gets nervous when things start becoming defined and real. Commitment goes hand in hand with trust and Derek is a professional with trust issues.

But he knows they're something. They have a relationship, whatever it is. And Derek isn't interested in seeing anyone else and has yet to try to destroy what they have as he usually does when things start getting serious. Instead, he stands here kissing her for just a little while. One kiss turns to two and then three. Four.

And then he dips his head and nods, taking a deep breath. Definitely a relationship.

Derek steps back and pulls open the door to the Italian place. They each make their order and within twenty minutes they're walking out again, Derek carrying a bag of their take out in one hand while the other one reaches to hook in the waistband of her pants at the small of her back while they walk to her apartment.

"You know, those pretty pink keds are pretty damn cute on you." He says, casting a soft grin in her direction.

They may each have their own set of luggage; it's just a matter of if that luggage matches or not, or at least complements. Venus has a catalog of issues, too. But what works in her favor is her desire to love. She has so much love to give and such a store of love that she never got from her mother that she's sought it in unhealthy ways. No matter what this relationship is, it is good for her, at least so far. She will hold tight to it.

The shoes, interestingly enough, are connected to that. She's been wearing heels for so long that her achilles tendons were telling her what a bad idea that was in the long haul and here she is in cute sneakers!

"They're much easier to find in my size than some heels are," she tells him, chuckling at that. Size 12 heels were always a challenge. "And I'm pretty sure while I couldn't keep up with you if you broke into a run, I could at least trail a good pace behind."

Another funny idea. While Derek hasn't managed to lure Venus into full-fledged workouts yet (as sexy as that idea is), she is doing a bit more and can be found on the treadmill now and again.

Derek likes that he can get Venus to relax a bit, go comfortable. Not that her legs don't look amazing in a pair of high heels. But just like Derek isn't always a suit and tie kind of guy, he imagines sometimes Venus needs a pair of cute pink keds. And getting her to work out with him, well that's a work in progress.

"Who'd wanna run away from you, anyway?" He asks teasingly, lightly bumping her side with his. "It'd be a lot more fun to run with you." Although he should probably get her a sports bra for that so she isn't so uncomfortable. He files that idea away. "Maybe even let you lead the way." All the innuendo is in that last bit.

His hand slips from her waistband to lightly and playfully pat her backside. "Get a good view of that."

Any sports bra that Venus gets will need some steel reinforcements. Rebar maybe.

She chuckles out a sound at his touch and comment. "Any time you want to look at my ass, darlin', you just need to ask and I'll be happy to show you. Of course," she adds, winking, "your ass need its own time too." She thinks of that time with the paddle. That was hot as Hades.

Derek can never forget that time with the paddle. It was his first time with that. He had a lot of firsts that night. And Venus never lets him down when he needs to be in control again. Which, sometimes he does. Sometimes he thinks he can still feel a ghost of a sting on his back side. He knows it's his imagination.

In truth, Derek Morgan has an excellent imagination. He couldn't do his job back home without one.

He laughs too, his hand coming back up to hook in the back of her pants at her waist. "I might just take you up on that offer, on any of those offers, sometime soon."

"They're always open for you, lover," Venus says.

Back to her place, then, where they can spread the food out on her little table and poor some wine. As they start to eat, she smiles at him, her ankles pressed to his. The food is good, rich and spicy and she eats slowly, savoring the tastes. "I have such a life here," she notes. "I am a lucky girl."

At Venus's place, Derek kicks off his shoes and makes himself comfortable in just a pair of sweat pants and a tank top. He always does this when he's spending any amount of time at her place, even just a few hours. He settles at the table and the food smells and tastes delicious.

"If you could do and/or have anything you wanted, what would it be?" Derek asks, trying to figure out if there's anything that might could make her life even better. He wants to give her those things if he can.

"Well, that's a question, isn't it?" Venus asks, resting her chin in her hand to give that a good think. It takes her some time and she shakes her head. "I suppose I'm a simple person, lover," she says, admiring so how Derek's neck flows into those delicious shoulders. "I have a roof over my head, I have a job now - and one that doesn't involve degradation. I have food ... and I have ... "

And this is where she gets too emotional at times, just like she'd told Adam. "Well, I have you." At least for a moment? Maybe longer? She would not be greedy or presumptive.

"I have all I could possibly ask for, I think. Any more would just be icing on the cake."

Derek likes that about Venus though, that she has real emotions and has no problem showing them. It makes everything from her end seem so genuine. Most of the time he doesn't have to guess with her because it's all there written on her face. She's emotional. Derek is good at reading people. There are no games. It works for him for the most part.

Any problems Derek has are his own. His own insecurities. His own lack of trust. His habit of looking for the ulterior motive in anything and everything.

"You're a rare breed. It's human nature to always want more." Derek studied human nature for a living back home. He's well acquainted with it. But as with all things, nothing is black and white. Humans are complicated creatures. "You talk about blessings. You believe in God?"

"I don't know," she tells him, being as honest as she can be. "Part of me wonders because there are so many bad people in the world and if we are made in God's image, then that is a bad state of affairs," she says, thinking aloud some: she hasn't thought about this in a while, actually.

"But then, if there isn't a God and we're all just a mass of cells bumping against each other in a kind of cosmic pinball game, then there is no such thing as fate and emotions are just ... chemical reactions. I suppose I kin to the idea of hearts and souls and things like that."

Of course, after that big long speech, she chuckles a little. "Goodness, I went off, didn't I?"

Listening to her, Derek finds that he likes what he hears. It is some big confusion for him. He has a very love-hate relationship with religion and faith.

"When I was a kid, my family was in church every Sunday." He says it with a small smile at the memory. "Then after my dad died, we'd go there with my Aunt or when my mom wasn't workin'." He shakes his head. "I never went after I went away to college."

Derek takes a bite of his food. "I believe in somethin'. Maybe it's God. Maybe it's just... karma. But I remember sittin' in church prayin' that someone would save me, that God would save me. And He never did." His shoulders lift in a shrug. "I guess it's complicated, like most of my relationships."

He pauses, realizing how that sounds. Derek quickly shakes his head at her. "And I don't mean that as a slight toward you or us."

"No slight taken, lover," Venus says quietly, holding Derek's hand between hers. "That's the hardest bit, isn't it? That if we are suffering so much, it would seem that we should be saved.

"But what I tell myself," she confides, "is that as dark as it has seemed, there are those who are suffering so very much more. Hopefully, if there is a God, he is helping those pour souls. And if he's not? I don't know. Maybe it's true, that old adage, if it doesn't kill us, it makes us stronger."

She doesn't know, not really. But she ponders it at times.

Derek lets her take his hand and watches the way their skin tones play off of each other. It's nothing new. His mom is a little white Irish lady with pale skin and flaming red hair. But he likes the way his skin looks against Venus's. He has from the first time they were together.

"There's always someone who's got it worse." Derek says with a nod. "I never understood that as a kid. But I get it now." His job back home is surrounded by worse. Maybe he did that on purpose. Bury himself in that darkness so that he could feel like his own trials weren't so bad.

He looks back up to her. "So what you saw in my dreams..." He starts, pauses. "We okay with that?"

"Of course we are," Venus says, looking surprised that that would even be a issue. "I will tell that I wanted to hug the stuffing out of you regardless of what age you were, but of course it's all right. It feels ...."

How to put it?

"Like an honor to see what you went through. I'm glad to know, however terrible it was." Raising his hand, she kisses his knuckles. "I'm glad to know."

"I'm a different man now than the boy I was." It's almost a defiant comment from him. And in a lot of ways it's true. Derek fought hard to be someone different, someone who wasn't a victim, someone who no one would dare fuck with without thinking two or three times about it beforehand. He worked out, built himself up, distanced himself from Chicago and never looked back.

However, deep down, underneath all the veneer, that scared little boy is still there. Sometimes he's silent so that Derek thinks he's completely gone. Sometimes he creeps back up at the strangest of times so that it shocks Derek and throws everything off kilter.

"I mean you never really fully shake it off, but..." He shrugs. "I don't know. I'm okay." He's trying to reassure her. Derek feels like she saw him vulnerable. He isn't always so fond of being seen as vulnerable.

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