itinere | Thinking hard (OTA)

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Thinking hard (OTA)

Having made herself to home in both the dreams of Derek and Adam had left Venus feeling both disjointed and thoughtful. Such horror and such darkness, inflicted by other people. Not by chance or fate, but by human beings. It makes her so angry.

Perhaps it is that this place collects very damaged people.

On one of her days off from the health club, before she takes Derek his lunch, she walks. No longer in high heels, but in comfortable walking shoes (cute little pink Keds that please Venus when she looks down at them), she walk. There's just that hint of the coming fall and winter in the air.

Venus trades in optimism. She has to. The world is too dark otherwise. She finds herself sitting on the merry-go-round and thinks of the profundity of hope. Of what it means. Of the power of it. Even if it isn't real, if it's imagined. The idea of hope. "Ask not what this place can do for you," she whispers to herself, letting the words get lost in the breeze, "but what we can do for this place." And the damaged, beautiful people in it.

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Derek can never forget that time with the paddle. It was his first time with that. He had a lot of firsts that night. And Venus never lets him down when he needs to be in control again. Which, sometimes he does. Sometimes he thinks he can still feel a ghost of a sting on his back side. He knows it's his imagination.

In truth, Derek Morgan has an excellent imagination. He couldn't do his job back home without one.

He laughs too, his hand coming back up to hook in the back of her pants at her waist. "I might just take you up on that offer, on any of those offers, sometime soon."

"They're always open for you, lover," Venus says.

Back to her place, then, where they can spread the food out on her little table and poor some wine. As they start to eat, she smiles at him, her ankles pressed to his. The food is good, rich and spicy and she eats slowly, savoring the tastes. "I have such a life here," she notes. "I am a lucky girl."

At Venus's place, Derek kicks off his shoes and makes himself comfortable in just a pair of sweat pants and a tank top. He always does this when he's spending any amount of time at her place, even just a few hours. He settles at the table and the food smells and tastes delicious.

"If you could do and/or have anything you wanted, what would it be?" Derek asks, trying to figure out if there's anything that might could make her life even better. He wants to give her those things if he can.

"Well, that's a question, isn't it?" Venus asks, resting her chin in her hand to give that a good think. It takes her some time and she shakes her head. "I suppose I'm a simple person, lover," she says, admiring so how Derek's neck flows into those delicious shoulders. "I have a roof over my head, I have a job now - and one that doesn't involve degradation. I have food ... and I have ... "

And this is where she gets too emotional at times, just like she'd told Adam. "Well, I have you." At least for a moment? Maybe longer? She would not be greedy or presumptive.

"I have all I could possibly ask for, I think. Any more would just be icing on the cake."

Derek likes that about Venus though, that she has real emotions and has no problem showing them. It makes everything from her end seem so genuine. Most of the time he doesn't have to guess with her because it's all there written on her face. She's emotional. Derek is good at reading people. There are no games. It works for him for the most part.

Any problems Derek has are his own. His own insecurities. His own lack of trust. His habit of looking for the ulterior motive in anything and everything.

"You're a rare breed. It's human nature to always want more." Derek studied human nature for a living back home. He's well acquainted with it. But as with all things, nothing is black and white. Humans are complicated creatures. "You talk about blessings. You believe in God?"

"I don't know," she tells him, being as honest as she can be. "Part of me wonders because there are so many bad people in the world and if we are made in God's image, then that is a bad state of affairs," she says, thinking aloud some: she hasn't thought about this in a while, actually.

"But then, if there isn't a God and we're all just a mass of cells bumping against each other in a kind of cosmic pinball game, then there is no such thing as fate and emotions are just ... chemical reactions. I suppose I kin to the idea of hearts and souls and things like that."

Of course, after that big long speech, she chuckles a little. "Goodness, I went off, didn't I?"

Listening to her, Derek finds that he likes what he hears. It is some big confusion for him. He has a very love-hate relationship with religion and faith.

"When I was a kid, my family was in church every Sunday." He says it with a small smile at the memory. "Then after my dad died, we'd go there with my Aunt or when my mom wasn't workin'." He shakes his head. "I never went after I went away to college."

Derek takes a bite of his food. "I believe in somethin'. Maybe it's God. Maybe it's just... karma. But I remember sittin' in church prayin' that someone would save me, that God would save me. And He never did." His shoulders lift in a shrug. "I guess it's complicated, like most of my relationships."

He pauses, realizing how that sounds. Derek quickly shakes his head at her. "And I don't mean that as a slight toward you or us."

"No slight taken, lover," Venus says quietly, holding Derek's hand between hers. "That's the hardest bit, isn't it? That if we are suffering so much, it would seem that we should be saved.

"But what I tell myself," she confides, "is that as dark as it has seemed, there are those who are suffering so very much more. Hopefully, if there is a God, he is helping those pour souls. And if he's not? I don't know. Maybe it's true, that old adage, if it doesn't kill us, it makes us stronger."

She doesn't know, not really. But she ponders it at times.

Derek lets her take his hand and watches the way their skin tones play off of each other. It's nothing new. His mom is a little white Irish lady with pale skin and flaming red hair. But he likes the way his skin looks against Venus's. He has from the first time they were together.

"There's always someone who's got it worse." Derek says with a nod. "I never understood that as a kid. But I get it now." His job back home is surrounded by worse. Maybe he did that on purpose. Bury himself in that darkness so that he could feel like his own trials weren't so bad.

He looks back up to her. "So what you saw in my dreams..." He starts, pauses. "We okay with that?"

"Of course we are," Venus says, looking surprised that that would even be a issue. "I will tell that I wanted to hug the stuffing out of you regardless of what age you were, but of course it's all right. It feels ...."

How to put it?

"Like an honor to see what you went through. I'm glad to know, however terrible it was." Raising his hand, she kisses his knuckles. "I'm glad to know."

"I'm a different man now than the boy I was." It's almost a defiant comment from him. And in a lot of ways it's true. Derek fought hard to be someone different, someone who wasn't a victim, someone who no one would dare fuck with without thinking two or three times about it beforehand. He worked out, built himself up, distanced himself from Chicago and never looked back.

However, deep down, underneath all the veneer, that scared little boy is still there. Sometimes he's silent so that Derek thinks he's completely gone. Sometimes he creeps back up at the strangest of times so that it shocks Derek and throws everything off kilter.

"I mean you never really fully shake it off, but..." He shrugs. "I don't know. I'm okay." He's trying to reassure her. Derek feels like she saw him vulnerable. He isn't always so fond of being seen as vulnerable.

But everyone - at least the good ones - let someone in. Vulnerability is normal. Embracing it, in Venus's view, is healthy. Denying it hurts everyone involved, at least she thinks.

"You're more than okay," she tells him. "You are strong, not just on the outside, but the inside, too, and your heart." She taps over that part of his chest. "Your heart is a good heart. "And if you need me to, I can give that little boy in you a hug whenever he needs one."

Just like young Vincent every now and again would need a hug.

Whatever is left of his food is momentarily forgotten. Because his arms are wrapping around her to pull her close to him and hold her there for a few minutes. It isn't entirely an unselfish act to embrace Venus. Sometimes you need someone to hold on to just as much as you need someone to hold you.

When he pulls back, his hands are cupping either side of her face. He kisses her, slow and sweet. It's a kiss that's meant to show love even if he can't say those words just yet.

The kiss ends and he pulls back to look into her eyes, into the heart of her where a person's soul lies. "I think you're one of the most beautiful people I've ever met."

He can see her blink back the stinging in his eyes, now as Venus looks at him, cupping his hands with hers against her cheeks. "Well, now," she chuckles soggily. "You're sure gonna get lucky tonight, lover."

She's only teasing, but it doesn't hide how his words have touched her. She knows he means it too and isn't that something? He finds her beautiful. Venus turns her chin just a little to kiss one then the other hand.

She has come here to this place and she has found love and peace. What a marvel it is.

Her teasing gets a smirk and a grin out of him. He knows she's teasing him. But he hopes she knows that he means every word. Derek has never looked at beauty in a traditional sense, in a superficial way. More than most he knows what a lie that can be. Beauty on the outside means nothing if you aren't beautiful on the inside too.

So while he thinks that Venus is uniquely beautiful, physically speaking, when he tells her she's one of the most beautiful people he's ever known, he means that her heart is beautiful. He wants to have a beautiful heart too. He wants to be as beautiful as her.

He leans in and kisses her, his lips soft against hers. The kisses are tender and sweet, the tip of his tongue just barely caressing her lips. She means so much to him here in this place, right now and in general.

It's the kind of kiss that makes someone melt, just a little. Venus melts just a little, leaning into the kiss, giving back what she's getting: tiny, teasing kisses that promise more, that show that this isn't just about sex and attraction, but about more than that.

Perhaps Venus teases because she can count on one hand the people who have loved her unconditionally. Nero, Alexander and now Derek. (And maybe love isn't the right word quite yet, but ... she does hope so, admittedly.)

"The things you do to me," she whispers with her mouth still pressed to his.

"Right back at'cha, pretty girl." Because really, the things she does to him have never ever been done to him before. He's never been with anyone like Venus, like Venus in so many different aspects. But she makes him want things that make him blush. She makes him feel good about himself in ways he doesn't always. She terrifies him in how she makes him feel...

And yet... he stays. He's never stayed before. Usually when he thinks things might be getting too serious, he bolts, he finds some reason not to stay. But here he is.

"I wanna stay here tonight. With you." He continues, following it up with another slow kiss. His hands slip down to her thighs to rest there. He hasn't stayed here since the nightmare. He's been here often enough, but he hasn't stayed. He wants her permission to stay.

"Good," she tells him. She's missed him in most ways, some small ones, like sleeping next to her and filling space in her apartment. The place feels warmer and less lonely with him here.

Even now, his hands are warm through the thin material of Venus's comfy pants. "Think I might be able to interest you in a bath later?" she asks, still playing those words over his mouth.

After whatever they might find themselves doing, she means.

He's missed her too. There is a comfort of having his own place to go back to if he needs it. But he likes having her to hold onto at night. He sleeps better. He likes being able to reach out and touch her if he wants. He likes being touched and held and looked at in that way that shows that someone cares.

"I think you could ask anything and I'd do it." He answers against her mouth, steals another sweet kiss, and then speaks again. "I'm always interested if it involves you." That is not even an exaggeration. He'd do anything, he thinks, if he were doing it with her.

"Think your tub can fit us both?" He asks.

"We'll make it work," she tells him, pleased at the very idea. Of course, it could end up somewhat disastrously, but that kind of adventure is better than another.

Of course, at the moment, she's cupping his cheek and kissing him back and those kisses might be gaining some heat because he is a sexy man and it's been a few days since they've kissed and she likes kissing him.

"Perhaps," she suggests, words whispered over his lips, "we can take this discussion to the bed?"

It could be calamity, it's true. A hilarious calamity, the good kind. Derek barely fits in a regular sized tub to begin with. Somehow, his own apartment has a larger one as if it had known that he wanted it. He can't recall off the top of his head whether or not Venus's tub is bigger.

Kissing Venus is its own special kind of joy, Derek would agree. But when she mentions going into the bedroom, he thinks that's a special kind of joy too. It's been awhile. But he wants to be in there with her, to kiss and make out and do whatever the hell she wants to do.

Slowly, over time, he is learning that he doesn't always have to keep such a tight grip on his control. They can share it. And on occasion, he can even let it go completely. He's ever a work in progress in this area because it requires trust and that's something that can be hard for Derek.

"Yeah, let's go, pretty girl." Derek stands and his hands slip to her hips as he walks behind her to the bedroom. He dips his head, lips pressing to the side of her neck, to her shoulder.

Reaching up to cup Derek's head as they walk, Venus tilts her head to the side as they walk, feeling especially the sway of her hips, which feel looser with the desire she feels heating them.

Even though her apartment is quiet, she shuts the door anyway, for that extra bit of privacy. She snaps on one scarf-covered lamp to add a warm light to the room, then turns to re-enter the circle of Derek's arms and to kiss him. Without those heels, they're about the same height and that's perfect. Her arms around his neck, Venus kisses him and thinks that those kisses are the sweetest thing she's ever tasted.

Derek's hand slides down inside her waistband to cup and squeeze one of her ass cheeks even as they walk. His lips continue to nip at her skin until they get into her bedroom. He's noticed that she always closes the door. He thinks he likes that. Everything seems more intimate in that way, as if they can shut everything else out and let it be just the two of them.

He steps away from her to let her shut the door and switch on the lamp. He watches her hips sway as she moves. As she turns back toward him, he pulls his shirt up and off, letting it fall to the floor. Should he fold it? She sometimes asks him to fold his clothes. He's not very good at folding clothes.

Their lips meet and he tenderly kisses her as his hands grip either side of her breasts and gently squeeze. He loves these. He loves the fullness and weightiness of them. And his heart always leaps into his throat when he thinks about these combined with what's between her legs. Is she as hard as he is right now? His groin just barely presses to hers to see.

She most certainly is, not bothering to bite back her groan at how he touches her, how he tastes, how he feels in just that teasing touch. "What do you want, lover?" she asks, her voice a whisper, the words breathed over his lips. "What can I do for you to make you feel good, mm?"

She's not offering for any other reason but because she enjoys being with him in every way she has been so far. They seem to click sexually quite well and phew, is she glad about that.

"I just wanna be with you, baby. Don't care how." He says just as quietly as one hand lifts to cup the side of her face as he kisses her again. He kisses at her lips. It's hard for him to think outside of the box in regard to himself. He's always been pretty vanilla up until now. Venus has opened his mind to a lot of things. Derek has no idea how to ask for those things or if he should or if he can.

His hands grip her top at the hem and start to pull it up and off. "Why don't you tell me what I can do for you? What makes you feel good? What's your favorite thing? Tell me, pretty girl."

Thinking hard (OTA)

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