Thinking hard (OTA)

[venusvandam]

Having made herself to home in both the dreams of Derek and Adam had left Venus feeling both disjointed and thoughtful. Such horror and such darkness, inflicted by other people. Not by chance or fate, but by human beings. It makes her so angry.

Perhaps it is that this place collects very damaged people.

On one of her days off from the health club, before she takes Derek his lunch, she walks. No longer in high heels, but in comfortable walking shoes (cute little pink Keds that please Venus when she looks down at them), she walk. There's just that hint of the coming fall and winter in the air.

Venus trades in optimism. She has to. The world is too dark otherwise. She finds herself sitting on the merry-go-round and thinks of the profundity of hope. Of what it means. Of the power of it. Even if it isn't real, if it's imagined. The idea of hope. "Ask not what this place can do for you," she whispers to herself, letting the words get lost in the breeze, "but what we can do for this place." And the damaged, beautiful people in it.

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[ex_bloodcakedarmor707]

It never ceases to make Derek smile when Venus brings him lunch on any day. He's told her before that she doesn't have to do it, but he's since quit saying that because who does it hurt? No one. It makes him happy. It gives him a chance to see her during the day while she isn't behind the receptions desk at the rec center. And it obviously is something she wants to do as well.

It's after the work day is over and everything clean for the next day that Derek makes his way to the front of the rec center to meet up with Venus. He has his gym bag slung over his shoulder. They still haven't talked about what she saw when she was in his dream space. And Derek isn't bringing it up unless she does.

"Hey pretty girl in the pretty pink Keds." He smiles at her. After they're outside and Derek has locked up, he takes her hand in his and they walk together along the sidewalk. He's taken to walking her to her place. Sometimes he stays, invitation or not. Sometimes he goes back to his own place. He's been going back to his own place more often than not since the shared dream. He always kisses her goodnight. If she invites him to stay, he would, he thinks.

"How about we grab some take out on the way?" He asks.

[venusvandam]

"That sounds wonderful," she says, giving his hand a squeeze. The distance isn't a bad thing, because it doesn't feel like an end. Just a place to breathe for the moment, to find a way to talk about what they experienced. "We can take it back to my place and maybe watch a movie or some such." Maybe go to bed and make love. That's what she really wants to do if he's interested. "Maybe some Italian, if there is such a place? Something very cheesy," she says with and for a smile, "sounds delicious."

[ex_bloodcakedarmor707]

"An evening in with my girl, food and a movie? What's there not to like about that?" Nothing, from his perspective. And he wouldn't even mind making out or more. Derek does like the physical. He likes things that make him feel good and Venus is good for him in that way, both physically and otherwise. She's been good for him in the most surprising of ways.

There's a part of him that keeps worrying he'll find a way to break it up and end it before he can get hurt like he usually does. But so far that hasn't happened. He hasn't felt the need to make that happen.

He knows of a place, Italian, not too far from here and he leads her in that direction. "I'm a fan of lots of cheese. This girl I used to work with, Emily, she used to laugh at how I would eat all this stuff, greasy and cheesy and all that. I told her that's why I work out so hard, so I can eat like that." His workouts really go much deeper than that. But he remembers joking with Emily about it.

[venusvandam]

"Ah, so you're mostly made of cheese?" Venus teases. "I see. Well, that's good to know." She loops her arm through his. They're almost the same height when she's not in her heels and she likes that. She still feels that flush of pride walking with him, that "look what I managed to snag" feeling, which is more than a little vain, but life is short, so she's taking it.

"I will say, though, if it gives you a reason to keep doing the exercises you do," she says, having spent a good many hours watching him squat and lift and bend and things of that nature. It's quite the sight; she doesn't complain.

[ex_bloodcakedarmor707]

"Hey I can get a little cheesy sometimes but I think you know that side of me by now." He calls her pretty girl, after all. And sometime flirts in the most ridiculous of ways. Derek Morgan, for all of his macho bravado, absolutely has a silly and fun side that not everyone gets to see.

In truth, Venus has pushed through a lot of the walls Derek puts up. Some of that may have initially been manufactured by whatever makes this place tick. But the bottom line is that it happened, the how is that important. Derek thinks that no matter the how it speaks to who Venus is.

Derek always thinks she looks good in her heels. But there's something extremely adorable about her in heels. Derek thinks she's beautiful either way from the inside out and the outside in.

He chuckles a bit. "Don't think I haven't seen you. You like to watch. Voyeurism's your thing, pretty girl. I get it." He can tease her right back.

[venusvandam]

"I do like to watch, it's true," she tells him, not bothering to hide her smile. "I especially like that bit you do where you have the weight bar on your shoulders, you squat down, then stand and lift that bar. I think every single muscle in your body works when you do that. Mmmmm."

Leaning into him, her shoulder pressed to his, Venus is more than content to spend all of her time like this. (She's more than a little in love, even with that dream experience. Perhaps more because of it.)

"You are my favorite subject, lover," she tells him, her tone grinning and teasing and flirtatious.

[ex_bloodcakedarmor707]

Well, he had been teasing, but as she describes the move to a T, Derek feels something warm starting from the inside out. It's incredibly sexy to be someone's favorite subject, to be paid that much attention, to be the focus of someone's voyeurism in this respect with Venus.

"So... my focus in the BAU was on cases involving obsession." He explains. He also focused on bombings and child molestation cases as well. But his main focus was crimes of obsession because they fascinated him. And he hopes that what he's getting at does not scare her away. "They've always fascinated me. And... I'll admit it, I get obsessed with things and people and places and topics and what not. I mean we're always saying there's a thin line between Profilers and the unsubs we hunt. How can there not be when we have to get into their minds and know how they think, you know?"

And now he's gone off on a tangent and skipped his whole point. Oops. "But what I'm saying is... You're my favorite subject too." What he's saying is that he's obsessed with her. But at this point he thinks maybe he shouldn't say that.

[venusvandam]

Well, obsession can be scary. Venus knows that. Derek describing what he does tells her that and how he describes his relationship with his work, it does draw her up a little short.

But at the same time, Venus can't help but be pleased that she is anyone's favorite, and most especially Derek's. She reaches up to touch his cheek. "Do you think .... "

She thinks for a moment before she goes on. "Do you think that this place is something of a blessing? That we found each other? I like to think that ... that I'm so glad that I've been brought here and found you."

[ex_bloodcakedarmor707]

Obsession can absolutely be scary. That's why Derek had been so bothered by having it forced upon him in that first curse that had ultimately brought him and Venus together. It wasn't so far from his true self. It was a twisted and warped version, like what he might see in many of the casefiles the BAU works back home. But it was still a part of him.

They pause just outside the Italian food take out place. When Venus presses her palm to his cheek, Derek turns his head to kiss the skin there before resting his cheek in her palm.

"I think that you're the best part of this place." Not just because he has very strong feelings for her that he hasn't let himself put a name to just yet. But because she's good for him. She opens his eyes to things about himself that he's never examined before. She understands him, she doesn't judge him, she doesn't push him beyond what he can do. "Don't think I'd like it here without you."

[venusvandam]

Well, that's a terribly sweet thing to say, too, isn't it? Venus cocks her head, smiling warmly, tracing the apple of his cheek with her thumb. "I think you're my favorite thing about this place, too," she tells him. "And I know I wouldn't like it without you here."

She'd be miserable, really. She is so glad to have met Adam too, who has lodged himself in a different part of Venus's heart, but between these two men, she's quite content to stay here for a good, long time.

That deserves a kiss, doesn't it? She leans in to close the distance, her lips gentle to his.

[ex_bloodcakedarmor707]

Derek is good at being sweet and saying sweet things. But he really means it. While he can't say it's a blessing because he and God are a complicated thing, a mix bag of faith and anger, Derek can speak the truth in this without bringing all that internal conflict into it. In Derek's experience, relationships are always complicated enough as is.

And that's what this is, isn't it? They haven't really put a name to it. Venus hasn't pressed him to and a part of him is grateful for that. Derek always gets nervous when things start becoming defined and real. Commitment goes hand in hand with trust and Derek is a professional with trust issues.

But he knows they're something. They have a relationship, whatever it is. And Derek isn't interested in seeing anyone else and has yet to try to destroy what they have as he usually does when things start getting serious. Instead, he stands here kissing her for just a little while. One kiss turns to two and then three. Four.

And then he dips his head and nods, taking a deep breath. Definitely a relationship.

Derek steps back and pulls open the door to the Italian place. They each make their order and within twenty minutes they're walking out again, Derek carrying a bag of their take out in one hand while the other one reaches to hook in the waistband of her pants at the small of her back while they walk to her apartment.

"You know, those pretty pink keds are pretty damn cute on you." He says, casting a soft grin in her direction.

[venusvandam]

They may each have their own set of luggage; it's just a matter of if that luggage matches or not, or at least complements. Venus has a catalog of issues, too. But what works in her favor is her desire to love. She has so much love to give and such a store of love that she never got from her mother that she's sought it in unhealthy ways. No matter what this relationship is, it is good for her, at least so far. She will hold tight to it.

The shoes, interestingly enough, are connected to that. She's been wearing heels for so long that her achilles tendons were telling her what a bad idea that was in the long haul and here she is in cute sneakers!

"They're much easier to find in my size than some heels are," she tells him, chuckling at that. Size 12 heels were always a challenge. "And I'm pretty sure while I couldn't keep up with you if you broke into a run, I could at least trail a good pace behind."

Another funny idea. While Derek hasn't managed to lure Venus into full-fledged workouts yet (as sexy as that idea is), she is doing a bit more and can be found on the treadmill now and again.

[ex_bloodcakedarmor707]

Derek likes that he can get Venus to relax a bit, go comfortable. Not that her legs don't look amazing in a pair of high heels. But just like Derek isn't always a suit and tie kind of guy, he imagines sometimes Venus needs a pair of cute pink keds. And getting her to work out with him, well that's a work in progress.

"Who'd wanna run away from you, anyway?" He asks teasingly, lightly bumping her side with his. "It'd be a lot more fun to run with you." Although he should probably get her a sports bra for that so she isn't so uncomfortable. He files that idea away. "Maybe even let you lead the way." All the innuendo is in that last bit.

His hand slips from her waistband to lightly and playfully pat her backside. "Get a good view of that."

[adamparrish]

Adam's garage is right across the street from the park. Everyday at lunch, weather permitting, he grabs his bag with a sandwich in it and takes it across the street to eat it. It's nice for a change of scenery. Sometimes there are others in the park. But usually it's just him. He has the whole place to himself. His favorite place to sit? Right smack dab in the middle of the merry-go-round. Sometimes there's such a breeze that it gently and slowly pushes the sphere around. Sometimes it just sits still.

Today when he walks into the park and heads for the merry-go-round he sees that he isn't alone. Not only that, but someone is sitting on the merry-go-round. It's Venus, who he hasn't seen in a few days.

For a moment he thinks about going back to the garage. Not because he's avoiding her (although a part of him is worried about seeing her after she had experienced his nightmare) or because he doesn't want to see her. Venus has somehow made him like her more than he likes most people. It's because he doesn't want to disturb her. He doesn't want to be in the way. He doesn't want to take up too much space.

When she looks up and spots him, he stands there like a deer caught in headlights. Then he waves from afar, waiting to see if she wants to be alone or if she wants company.

[venusvandam]

For some silly reason, tears jump straight to her eyes when she sees him. He'd better come over here and hopefully be all right with her hugging him as if her very life depended on it. She can still, nearly viscerally, feel how it was to hold that little body against hers and rock and hum softly and do her damnedest to make everything all right with him. She waves and beckons, getting to her feet as he comes closer. And when he's only a few feet away, she opens her arms up wide. "Hi, sweetheart," she says, hoping not to just blubber like a fool.

[adamparrish]

He knows that his nightmare that she shared wasn't something anyone (but him) should ever have to go through or ever have seen. And maybe a part of Adam was worried she wouldn't want to still be his friend after seeing all that, after the things his dream self had conjured up and said. He remembers wishing she was his mom even while his own mom was in the trailer getting beaten up.

That's probably more than a little messed up. But Adam knows every time his dad worked his way into Adam's room his mom said nothing. Sometimes silence deals every bit the blow that a fist can. He doesn't think Venus would have kept silent.

When she gestures him over there's a lot of relief there. He walks over to her and lets her pull him into a hug. Adam isn't accustomed to being hugged and he doesn't hug her back. He doesn't do anything more than lean slightly into the hug so that she can end it when she wants to and so that he doesn't mess it up or make it awkward.

"Hi." He says, then quickly adds an apology for what she'd had to see. "I'm sorry."

[venusvandam]

"You have nothing to be sorry for," she tells him, the words whispered into his ear, before she gives him an extra squeeze and lets go, sitting on the merry-go-round and patting the metal beside herself for him to sit as well. "Not one single thing. How are you, sweetheart?"

Holding him, even in his awful dream-world, had been something that Venus didn't know she needed to do. Something she'd never been able to do with her own son. It opened a place in her, too, one that she just let set there, gaping, because there isn't a damned thing she can do about it.

[adamparrish]

Maybe there's nothing to apologize for. But Adam still feels as if he's inflicted the negativity that was his life in Henrietta on people who didn't need that in their life. He feels embarrassed. He feels dirty and worried that things will be weird out here in the real world where he's made friends with people like Venus. He feels like he should apologize tenfold.

Instead, he moves to sit in the place beside her where he patted. "If you go more toward the center, sometimes the wind will blow it enough to go around." He tells her randomly, scooting in through the handles into the center. "Like right here." He's left enough room for her in the middle too.

Adam shrugs. "I'm okay. I'm worried... about things." Things... like... "I feel bad that people had to see what they saw."

[venusvandam]

"Right there, hmm?"

Venus scoots carefully, crossing her legs to face Adam. When she's settled, she cocks her head at his. "You didn't do it on purpose," she tells the sweet boy. "I think this happened to quite a few people, actually. So it's hardly your fault. I can understand why you feel that way," she hastens to add, "but I do not blame you, sweetheart." She rests her fingers on his knee just for a moment. "How is Ronan? Is he doing all right?"

[adamparrish]

Shortly after Venus moves, the breeze starts to move them slowly around, slow and gradual. Sometimes the merry-go-round grounds to a complete stop then it eventually picks back up again. It's probably stupid to most people. But it's one of Adam's favorite things.

"It's like something you can't see wants you to have fun." Something like Cabeswater. Which sounds ridiculous the minute the words are out of his mouth so he dips his head and unrolls his brown paper bag to get a sandwich and a slim jim out of it.

"So we're still friends?" Her absolution is welcome. But Adam needs to make sure of that, that he hadn't messed this up, this one thing that's his outside of the group here from Henrietta.

At mention of Ronan, he looks back up to her, briefly into her eyes and then somewhere beneath that. Adam never holds eye contact for too terribly long. "He had to see the dream too. He... I don't think he wants to break up with me cause of it." He pauses. "Have you met him?"

[venusvandam]

"I met him at the champagne ball," Venus says with a smile. Ronan was terse, but not entirely unlikeable; a kind of terse that Venus is used to. "And of course we're still friends, sweetheart. Why wouldn't we be friends? I like you very much and I hope you like me."

Adam has nothing to be embarrassed about, not with Venus. She's probably one of his biggest fans, really. "So, I'm not breaking up with you and neither is Ronan. You're off the hook," she teases.

[adamparrish]

Adam likes Venus. He isn't really sure how to put that into words. It seems like it would be a simple thing but Adam is a complicated person in every way. He makes even the most simple of things more difficult just by nature of being himself. Nothing in his life has been easy. Therefore he has a difficult time with even the easiest of things.

He does look at Venus fondly for just a moment, as fond as Adam looks at anyone. There's no smile. But his eyes do look just a bit softer.

"I probably should have given you a warning label for him." He tells her. Because no one should have to go into meeting Ronan Lynch without a warning label. They might cut themselves on all his sharp edges.

[venusvandam]

"It's all right. I imagine I've told you at some point or another that many of my best friends when I was in Charming were motorcycle gang members. I'm quite used to the brusque nature that some men have," Venus tells him, smiling fondly right back at Adam. "I think it's very clear that he cares for you, sweetheart, which makes me like him all the more."

So, whether Ronan likes it or not, Venus likes him.

[adamparrish]

Venus has told him about that. He's never known any motorcycle gang members but he imagines them to be rough and dangerous. Adam can be a dangerous thing sometimes too. He just hopes they were nice to her. She's so nice to Adam and always has been without having any reason to be. Grown ups aren't usually nice to Adam. But Venus is. And by his way of thinking, she deserves people to be nice to her.

And honestly, if she came out of meeting Ronan thinking that Adam's boyfriend wasn't a horrible human being, then Ronan must have been nice to her too. Or, just nice enough.

Adam has to flush a bit at the idea that Ronan let Venus know how much he cares. Ronan cares more than most people ever have. He dips his head and opens the ziplock bag his sandwich is in. "He beat up my dad. Back home. Ronan beat up my dad. And then the cops came and... they were going to take him to prison for assault if I didn't say something about my dad using me for a punching bag. I'd never said anything before."

He takes out one of the triangles of his ham sandwich. "Do you want half?"

[venusvandam]

SAMCRO was nicer to her than most "normal" unpstanding citizens were. After all, it's not everyone who would kill her mother for her.

Almost automatically, she takes the triangle of sandwich with a murmured 'thank you,' still mulling over what Adam has said.

Yes, that's about right, isn't it. Ronan has earned a big, fat gold star in Venus's book for doing the right thing. And Adam, who already has a whole line of gold stars; well, she knows what it took for him to do that and she squeezes his arm with her free hand. "He did the right thing and you did too, sweetheart."

No one had come for young Vincent when he was being pimped out by mommy dearest. "He sounds like a keeper, then," she murmurs, blinking away the sting at the backs of her eyes. "Does he like apple pie?"