itinere | Thinking hard (OTA)

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Thinking hard (OTA)

Having made herself to home in both the dreams of Derek and Adam had left Venus feeling both disjointed and thoughtful. Such horror and such darkness, inflicted by other people. Not by chance or fate, but by human beings. It makes her so angry.

Perhaps it is that this place collects very damaged people.

On one of her days off from the health club, before she takes Derek his lunch, she walks. No longer in high heels, but in comfortable walking shoes (cute little pink Keds that please Venus when she looks down at them), she walk. There's just that hint of the coming fall and winter in the air.

Venus trades in optimism. She has to. The world is too dark otherwise. She finds herself sitting on the merry-go-round and thinks of the profundity of hope. Of what it means. Of the power of it. Even if it isn't real, if it's imagined. The idea of hope. "Ask not what this place can do for you," she whispers to herself, letting the words get lost in the breeze, "but what we can do for this place." And the damaged, beautiful people in it.

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Listening to her, Derek finds that he likes what he hears. It is some big confusion for him. He has a very love-hate relationship with religion and faith.

"When I was a kid, my family was in church every Sunday." He says it with a small smile at the memory. "Then after my dad died, we'd go there with my Aunt or when my mom wasn't workin'." He shakes his head. "I never went after I went away to college."

Derek takes a bite of his food. "I believe in somethin'. Maybe it's God. Maybe it's just... karma. But I remember sittin' in church prayin' that someone would save me, that God would save me. And He never did." His shoulders lift in a shrug. "I guess it's complicated, like most of my relationships."

He pauses, realizing how that sounds. Derek quickly shakes his head at her. "And I don't mean that as a slight toward you or us."

"No slight taken, lover," Venus says quietly, holding Derek's hand between hers. "That's the hardest bit, isn't it? That if we are suffering so much, it would seem that we should be saved.

"But what I tell myself," she confides, "is that as dark as it has seemed, there are those who are suffering so very much more. Hopefully, if there is a God, he is helping those pour souls. And if he's not? I don't know. Maybe it's true, that old adage, if it doesn't kill us, it makes us stronger."

She doesn't know, not really. But she ponders it at times.

Derek lets her take his hand and watches the way their skin tones play off of each other. It's nothing new. His mom is a little white Irish lady with pale skin and flaming red hair. But he likes the way his skin looks against Venus's. He has from the first time they were together.

"There's always someone who's got it worse." Derek says with a nod. "I never understood that as a kid. But I get it now." His job back home is surrounded by worse. Maybe he did that on purpose. Bury himself in that darkness so that he could feel like his own trials weren't so bad.

He looks back up to her. "So what you saw in my dreams..." He starts, pauses. "We okay with that?"

"Of course we are," Venus says, looking surprised that that would even be a issue. "I will tell that I wanted to hug the stuffing out of you regardless of what age you were, but of course it's all right. It feels ...."

How to put it?

"Like an honor to see what you went through. I'm glad to know, however terrible it was." Raising his hand, she kisses his knuckles. "I'm glad to know."

"I'm a different man now than the boy I was." It's almost a defiant comment from him. And in a lot of ways it's true. Derek fought hard to be someone different, someone who wasn't a victim, someone who no one would dare fuck with without thinking two or three times about it beforehand. He worked out, built himself up, distanced himself from Chicago and never looked back.

However, deep down, underneath all the veneer, that scared little boy is still there. Sometimes he's silent so that Derek thinks he's completely gone. Sometimes he creeps back up at the strangest of times so that it shocks Derek and throws everything off kilter.

"I mean you never really fully shake it off, but..." He shrugs. "I don't know. I'm okay." He's trying to reassure her. Derek feels like she saw him vulnerable. He isn't always so fond of being seen as vulnerable.

But everyone - at least the good ones - let someone in. Vulnerability is normal. Embracing it, in Venus's view, is healthy. Denying it hurts everyone involved, at least she thinks.

"You're more than okay," she tells him. "You are strong, not just on the outside, but the inside, too, and your heart." She taps over that part of his chest. "Your heart is a good heart. "And if you need me to, I can give that little boy in you a hug whenever he needs one."

Just like young Vincent every now and again would need a hug.

Whatever is left of his food is momentarily forgotten. Because his arms are wrapping around her to pull her close to him and hold her there for a few minutes. It isn't entirely an unselfish act to embrace Venus. Sometimes you need someone to hold on to just as much as you need someone to hold you.

When he pulls back, his hands are cupping either side of her face. He kisses her, slow and sweet. It's a kiss that's meant to show love even if he can't say those words just yet.

The kiss ends and he pulls back to look into her eyes, into the heart of her where a person's soul lies. "I think you're one of the most beautiful people I've ever met."

He can see her blink back the stinging in his eyes, now as Venus looks at him, cupping his hands with hers against her cheeks. "Well, now," she chuckles soggily. "You're sure gonna get lucky tonight, lover."

She's only teasing, but it doesn't hide how his words have touched her. She knows he means it too and isn't that something? He finds her beautiful. Venus turns her chin just a little to kiss one then the other hand.

She has come here to this place and she has found love and peace. What a marvel it is.

Her teasing gets a smirk and a grin out of him. He knows she's teasing him. But he hopes she knows that he means every word. Derek has never looked at beauty in a traditional sense, in a superficial way. More than most he knows what a lie that can be. Beauty on the outside means nothing if you aren't beautiful on the inside too.

So while he thinks that Venus is uniquely beautiful, physically speaking, when he tells her she's one of the most beautiful people he's ever known, he means that her heart is beautiful. He wants to have a beautiful heart too. He wants to be as beautiful as her.

He leans in and kisses her, his lips soft against hers. The kisses are tender and sweet, the tip of his tongue just barely caressing her lips. She means so much to him here in this place, right now and in general.

It's the kind of kiss that makes someone melt, just a little. Venus melts just a little, leaning into the kiss, giving back what she's getting: tiny, teasing kisses that promise more, that show that this isn't just about sex and attraction, but about more than that.

Perhaps Venus teases because she can count on one hand the people who have loved her unconditionally. Nero, Alexander and now Derek. (And maybe love isn't the right word quite yet, but ... she does hope so, admittedly.)

"The things you do to me," she whispers with her mouth still pressed to his.

"Right back at'cha, pretty girl." Because really, the things she does to him have never ever been done to him before. He's never been with anyone like Venus, like Venus in so many different aspects. But she makes him want things that make him blush. She makes him feel good about himself in ways he doesn't always. She terrifies him in how she makes him feel...

And yet... he stays. He's never stayed before. Usually when he thinks things might be getting too serious, he bolts, he finds some reason not to stay. But here he is.

"I wanna stay here tonight. With you." He continues, following it up with another slow kiss. His hands slip down to her thighs to rest there. He hasn't stayed here since the nightmare. He's been here often enough, but he hasn't stayed. He wants her permission to stay.

"Good," she tells him. She's missed him in most ways, some small ones, like sleeping next to her and filling space in her apartment. The place feels warmer and less lonely with him here.

Even now, his hands are warm through the thin material of Venus's comfy pants. "Think I might be able to interest you in a bath later?" she asks, still playing those words over his mouth.

After whatever they might find themselves doing, she means.

He's missed her too. There is a comfort of having his own place to go back to if he needs it. But he likes having her to hold onto at night. He sleeps better. He likes being able to reach out and touch her if he wants. He likes being touched and held and looked at in that way that shows that someone cares.

"I think you could ask anything and I'd do it." He answers against her mouth, steals another sweet kiss, and then speaks again. "I'm always interested if it involves you." That is not even an exaggeration. He'd do anything, he thinks, if he were doing it with her.

"Think your tub can fit us both?" He asks.

"We'll make it work," she tells him, pleased at the very idea. Of course, it could end up somewhat disastrously, but that kind of adventure is better than another.

Of course, at the moment, she's cupping his cheek and kissing him back and those kisses might be gaining some heat because he is a sexy man and it's been a few days since they've kissed and she likes kissing him.

"Perhaps," she suggests, words whispered over his lips, "we can take this discussion to the bed?"

It could be calamity, it's true. A hilarious calamity, the good kind. Derek barely fits in a regular sized tub to begin with. Somehow, his own apartment has a larger one as if it had known that he wanted it. He can't recall off the top of his head whether or not Venus's tub is bigger.

Kissing Venus is its own special kind of joy, Derek would agree. But when she mentions going into the bedroom, he thinks that's a special kind of joy too. It's been awhile. But he wants to be in there with her, to kiss and make out and do whatever the hell she wants to do.

Slowly, over time, he is learning that he doesn't always have to keep such a tight grip on his control. They can share it. And on occasion, he can even let it go completely. He's ever a work in progress in this area because it requires trust and that's something that can be hard for Derek.

"Yeah, let's go, pretty girl." Derek stands and his hands slip to her hips as he walks behind her to the bedroom. He dips his head, lips pressing to the side of her neck, to her shoulder.

Reaching up to cup Derek's head as they walk, Venus tilts her head to the side as they walk, feeling especially the sway of her hips, which feel looser with the desire she feels heating them.

Even though her apartment is quiet, she shuts the door anyway, for that extra bit of privacy. She snaps on one scarf-covered lamp to add a warm light to the room, then turns to re-enter the circle of Derek's arms and to kiss him. Without those heels, they're about the same height and that's perfect. Her arms around his neck, Venus kisses him and thinks that those kisses are the sweetest thing she's ever tasted.

Derek's hand slides down inside her waistband to cup and squeeze one of her ass cheeks even as they walk. His lips continue to nip at her skin until they get into her bedroom. He's noticed that she always closes the door. He thinks he likes that. Everything seems more intimate in that way, as if they can shut everything else out and let it be just the two of them.

He steps away from her to let her shut the door and switch on the lamp. He watches her hips sway as she moves. As she turns back toward him, he pulls his shirt up and off, letting it fall to the floor. Should he fold it? She sometimes asks him to fold his clothes. He's not very good at folding clothes.

Their lips meet and he tenderly kisses her as his hands grip either side of her breasts and gently squeeze. He loves these. He loves the fullness and weightiness of them. And his heart always leaps into his throat when he thinks about these combined with what's between her legs. Is she as hard as he is right now? His groin just barely presses to hers to see.

She most certainly is, not bothering to bite back her groan at how he touches her, how he tastes, how he feels in just that teasing touch. "What do you want, lover?" she asks, her voice a whisper, the words breathed over his lips. "What can I do for you to make you feel good, mm?"

She's not offering for any other reason but because she enjoys being with him in every way she has been so far. They seem to click sexually quite well and phew, is she glad about that.

"I just wanna be with you, baby. Don't care how." He says just as quietly as one hand lifts to cup the side of her face as he kisses her again. He kisses at her lips. It's hard for him to think outside of the box in regard to himself. He's always been pretty vanilla up until now. Venus has opened his mind to a lot of things. Derek has no idea how to ask for those things or if he should or if he can.

His hands grip her top at the hem and start to pull it up and off. "Why don't you tell me what I can do for you? What makes you feel good? What's your favorite thing? Tell me, pretty girl."

"I think you're my favorite thing, lover," Venus tells him, smiling as she lifts her arms, all the better to be bared to her bra. "Tell you what." She leans in, kissing a line up Derek's cheek to whisper in his ear. "I want you inside me, lover. So deep that it nearly feels overwhelming."

She seals those words with a kiss then leans back to look into his eyes. "How's that sound?"

Oh damn if her tits aren't beautiful. Derek can't help it. He likes those curves up here. He likes the way they look encased in satin and lace and whatever else she wears. His fingertips glide over the top 'V' of her bra, over skin, over lace.

Her words make all the blood rush downward and he feels his arousal harden and thicken. Every word she says feels very good, inside and out. "I think that's the best idea I've heard."

Hands slide down her sides, down the outside curve of her breasts, down her torso and to her hips where he grips and pulls so that he can grind against her. And what he feels there only heightens everything. "Gonna feel you inside, baby. Let's get these off."

The sound - the somewhat decadent groan - that Venus lets out is entirely sincere; the flushing of her cheeks will tell Derek that. There is no faking this, not here. He makes Venus feel so good and want so much that it's almost scary. It's almost too much.

Pulling at the fly and waistband of Derek's pants, Venus works then down so that she can get her hands around him. "Mmmm," she hums again. "You're so big."

Again, not empty platitudes. He will feel so good. Running her hands along his length, Venus leans in to kiss him, wet and deep, before she takes a few steps back to the bed to lie back and beckon him closer.

He loves that that groan is something he elicited from her. It makes his insides come alive even more than they already have. Derek does the same for Venus, pushing her pants down and his own slipping down his legs even as they move toward the bed together. Their lips play against each other, the kiss full and heated with desire from both sides.

Eventually he pauses as he watches her lay back onto the bed. He pulls her pants off the rest of the way, leaving her in bra and panties. He steps out of his own cotton pants and pushes his briefs down too, leaving him naked. Of course, seeing her cock always ignites something entirely new in him, something he doesn't understand and doesn't try to understand.

After opening the drawer of her bedside table to get some lubricant, he crawls onto the bed on top of her and leans down to kiss again at her lips. Lower, he buries his face in her cleavage, his tongue flicking out to tease there. Lower, he kisses just above the hemline of her panties. Then he's mostly off the bed again as his fingers curl in said panties to pull them down her legs.

Lifting up, Venus helps pull those panties down, feeling them skim down her legs.

Then they're both naked and Derek is so beautiful and warm. Venus tries to touch what she can, leaning up to get closer, even if a heel traces up his hip. Her stomach muscles even twitch under his attentions. Derek is a magician in a way: he makes Venus feel entirely and completely flawless.

Isn't that something? It's more than a little addictive and makes Venus sure that she's getting spoiled. Entirely spoiled.

He knows how hard it is to think about yourself in that way, but to him, she is flawless. She's given Derek something he hasn't had since arriving here. She's given him solace in his past and who he is now because of it. She hasn't judged him for who he used to be and what he used to be. She's forgiven him his transgressions against her, however forced upon them as they were.

She makes him feel good about himself. Although she also makes him question things about himself that he has never before. He likes giving her a little bit of control here and there, which he has never done before. He has never been with someone who has the same equipment down there as what he has. He liked how letting her spank him made him feel, both embarrassed and aroused, a mixture that had shocked him and pleased him.

His tongue slides up the inside of one of her thighs all the way up to suckle her sac into his mouth. This, in itself, in its newness, also gives him a wonderful thrill. The sound of the cap snapping on the lube can be heard. After it's had a moment to warm to his fingertips, he's spreading some around her tight hole and slowly pressing a finger inside as his mouth continues to tease at her balls.

Thinking hard (OTA)

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