open | i heard that you make old things new; so I give these pieces all to you

[adamparrish]

Since the arrival of the other three members of their group, Adam had been scarce. He purposefully stayed at work at the garage extra late. The sickness had kind of made it an easy excuse for him to bow out of sleeping in the same bed as Ronan. His erratic presence at the apartment made it easy to avoid actually talking. On June 1st though, after hyposprays and everyone being magically healed, it was the first true test for him and Ronan and Adam failed.

Instead of going home, he stayed at the garage until he couldn't stand the same four walls anymore. Then he went out to the forests of Itinere where the ley lines were. He worked on repairing them for Ronan. At least he could do one thing right, one thing to help. Maybe Ronan would notice he had done this for him. Maybe he wouldn't.

Adam would stay out in the forests way past dark, taking his time, doing what he thought needed to be done. Then he would head back in town to walk through the park, sit on a merry-go-round and push at it with his feet to move it around. The metal squeaked and after a quick trip to the garage, he came back to dismantle and oil the merry-go-round to keep it from squeaking so loudly.

Probably another thing no one would notice. Productive, though. Adam Parrish felt productive and useful... busy, even now at some god awful time in the night or morning. And he supposed that was the point.

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[venusvandam]

Well, now Adam is just being stubborn. All he needs to do is take a good look at Venus to know that she's more toward the poor end of the spectrum than the rich. Any money she's made has been right on her back.

To say that she doesn't understand is rude on one level, ignorant on the other. Martyristic on a whole other level. If he wants the bad stuff all to himself, he's going to have to work harder.

When he pulls away, Venus lets her hands rest on her knees. "Why, he asks," she says with a small smile, her head down. "Because we're both out here in the middle of the night, sweetheart. Because your have a sadness that emanates off your skin as if it's who you are. Because when I was your age - around eighteen, I'd guess - I nearly killed myself because I was in a situation I couldn't see my way out of except with a razor blade to my wrist. Until I realized that I needed to love myself even if no one else did. Because how I look did not represent who I was."

In case that last bit isn't as obvious.

"Until I realized that my hell-spawn mother was not who I was and would not define me."

There is the mildest form of defensiveness in her expression, well outweighed by her more gentle countenance.

"Because," she finally says, "we are not alone."

[adamparrish]

Her confessions surprised him, opening herself up like that with an ease that is proof that she has, for the most part, learned to love herself despite all of those things. There had been a few times, prior to spotting that Ronan like boy in the grocers, when he had thought about ending it all too. That day had changed his life in spite of the embarrassment of not having enough money to pay for anything. It had made him try to change things.

If only he had found that mentality sooner before Robert Parrish had crushed him beneath his foot and somehow made him still love him.

"I'm sorry." He says quietly, twisting that wrench in his hands again and again as if that were his immediate and necessary job. He's just not used to strangers caring about him, letting him into their worlds. Gansey and his group of friends had been a novelty, he thought.

[venusvandam]

Venus smiles just a little bit, shrugging. "It's all right," she says quietly. "I suppose now would be when I get up and head on my way." She looks around at the moonlit playground. "But I think, before I do, I am going to see if I can still get across the monkey bars."

She smiles at Adam as she stands. "You might want to take note of this, sweetheart. It is not a sight you may ever cast your eye upon again." She starts toward the monkey bars, her hips swaying, feet silent on the sand and grass.

[adamparrish]

When she moves away from the merry-go-round, Adam watches her go. Monkey bars? He's really never met anyone like Venus. She's an enigma. He doesn't get or understand her.

Or maybe... maybe he understands her all too well and that terrifies him because maybe she understands him too. Adam has never been understood before. He's never been seen so plainly as it seems Venus has seen him. He has no idea what to do with that.

[venusvandam]

It will take time to decide if it is the former or the latter. Venus is willing to put in that time, if Adam is (she would suspect it's the latter, though).

That's for later, though.

Now, in her tiptoes, Venus can reach the monkey bars. She chuckles to herself a little as she grabs hold and lifts her feet. She's fit to be bursting right out of her top, but starts to swing regardless, reaching, when she can for the next bar.

"Ha!" she exclaims. "One down, five to go. The journey of a thousand steps beginning here."

[adamparrish]

Adam watches, unsure of what to make of Venus. A part of him thinks that he likes her. Another part of him thinks he shouldn't like her. Such is the nature of Adam Parrish. Everything is a war. Everything is made difficult.

He squashes a smile before it can begin when she makes the first rung. "I've heard the first step's always the hardest." He finally says dryly.

[venusvandam]

It doesn't have to be difficult. Some things can be nice and easy, right?

Like playing in a playground at 2 in the morning.

With some swinging and a good deal of effort, Venus gets to the second rung. "Whoever told you that," she murmurs, short of breath, "was a terrible liar. Why was this so much easier when I was a child?"

[adamparrish]

Adam doesn't know how to do nice and easy. Although, he has found, before the others had arrived, that there were rare moments when both he and Ronan had their walls down and things sort of just... fell into place. Maybe that was nice and easy.

And maybe sitting here silently cheering Venus on from one rung to the next was easy too.

"Because the aerodynamics are different. Everything's heavier and shifted. It's different." He explains. "Not that... I mean heavier as in you grew up. Not that you're..." He wasn't trying to insult her. Really, he wasn't.

[venusvandam]

The laugh that Venus couldn't hold back isn't helping the situation. She drops to her feet, still chuckling. "I do believe you called me fat," she cheerfully chided, clearly unhurt by his fumbling attempt. "Come over here right now, Adam and show me how it's done, young man."

[adamparrish]

Adam is quick to shake his head and backtrack. Oh, now he's embarrassed. Now he feels bad. He might not have a lot of experience with girls. He might have failed in an epic way with Blue. But every guy knows not to call a girl fat. That would be stupid. Adam wasn't stupid.

"I swear that's not what I meant." He says quickly.

Then he pales a bit when she tells him to try it. "Oh I don't think that I... can." He doesn't have a lot of experience with playgrounds.

[venusvandam]

"I know, sweetheart," she tells him, grinning, her hands on her narrow hips. "Just swing from one bar to the next. You are most definitely strong enough to do that and show an old lady how it's done."

Old lady - the wording is sadly funny, reminding her of her days near SAMCRO.

"What's the worst that happens," she tells him. "You land on your own two feet." That's hardly frightening.

[adamparrish]

"You don't look that old." Adam says, taking the word at its base meaning rather than the term of endearment Venus knows it as. He really doesn't want her to think he was insulting her at all.

After some consideration though, he sets his tools aside and pushes up to move over to the monkey bars. He reaches up on the tips of his toes. Once he has a hold of the bard, he bends his knees and starts working his way across them. One bar, two, three, four bars, and five, six...

On the seventh, just three bars away from the end, he hangs there. So close, but his arms are hurting. He pushes himself to the eighth. He hangs there again.

[venusvandam]

"You're makin' it look easy," she tells him, feet silent on the grass as she moves to stand parallel to him, smiling, voice gentle. "Just a couple to go. C'mon now. Your shoulders are gonna thank you for this, you know. C'mon, sweetheart. Swing those narrow hips and get there."

[adamparrish]

Isn't it strange, how some thoughts can hit you so intensely that it's like being pummeled by an eighteen wheeler. This, Venus cheering him on, encouraging but not pushing, is what his mother probably should have done with him instead of her stream of tears that never seemed to end, instead of her silence when Adam had needed her to have a voice. This is what his father should have done, instead of telling him how worthless and useless he was, instead of laughing at him when he tried so hard to make his life better, instead of using him as an ashtray and a punching bag even while stealing from his paychecks.

The thought hits him hard, so that Adam feels something so much bigger than himself that he can't quite put a name to. Support, a belief that he can do something without failing, Adam has never had these things and he has no idea what to do with them. What if he does fail? Suddenly, he's torn between pushing through it and dropping to the ground to give up before he can even attempt it.

He's frozen there on that seventh bar, indecisive, feeling strange things that he doesn't know what to do with.

"I can't." He whispers, with a shake of his head. Failure. Worthless piece of shit. It's stupid, really. They're just monkey bars. She's just being nice. He's being stupid.

[venusvandam]

"That's entirely untrue, you know. You are far stronger than I am."

It isn't hard for Venus to see that there is so much more going on here than just the work of getting across monkey bars.

She steps closer, feet sinking into the sand under the monkey bars. She rests a hand on his ribs. "I would lay money that you can."

[adamparrish]

A part of him knows she's right. That part of him just isn't the loudest voice in Adam's mind. Those positive thoughts that say he is the opposite of everything he's been told, they're a quiet whisper compared to the more negative things.

He's just about to let go and stand up when her hand rests on his side. There's nothing about the touch that's bad. It's encouraging. Supportive. And for some reason, after a brief hesitation, he moves to the eighth bar, then the ninth, then the tenth and last bar before getting to his feet.

He looks back at Venus, eyes confused and a mixture of other emotions he couldn't even begin to sort through.

[venusvandam]

"That's it. Look at you. You're my hero," Venus says, bringing her hands together in front of her chest with a smile.

Such a sweet boy. He's so like Venus and some others: broken and patched together; all those emotions he's feeling are all right. Emotions are what they are, nothing more nor less. It does tug at Venus's heart though.

Cocking her head to the side, she lets her hands drop. She'd hug him if she didn't think he'd skitter. "I will have to work on that," she tells him. "And get better at it. Maybe one day I'll be as good as you are."