open | i heard that you make old things new; so I give these pieces all to you

[adamparrish]

Since the arrival of the other three members of their group, Adam had been scarce. He purposefully stayed at work at the garage extra late. The sickness had kind of made it an easy excuse for him to bow out of sleeping in the same bed as Ronan. His erratic presence at the apartment made it easy to avoid actually talking. On June 1st though, after hyposprays and everyone being magically healed, it was the first true test for him and Ronan and Adam failed.

Instead of going home, he stayed at the garage until he couldn't stand the same four walls anymore. Then he went out to the forests of Itinere where the ley lines were. He worked on repairing them for Ronan. At least he could do one thing right, one thing to help. Maybe Ronan would notice he had done this for him. Maybe he wouldn't.

Adam would stay out in the forests way past dark, taking his time, doing what he thought needed to be done. Then he would head back in town to walk through the park, sit on a merry-go-round and push at it with his feet to move it around. The metal squeaked and after a quick trip to the garage, he came back to dismantle and oil the merry-go-round to keep it from squeaking so loudly.

Probably another thing no one would notice. Productive, though. Adam Parrish felt productive and useful... busy, even now at some god awful time in the night or morning. And he supposed that was the point.

Comments

[adamparrish]

Isn't it strange, how some thoughts can hit you so intensely that it's like being pummeled by an eighteen wheeler. This, Venus cheering him on, encouraging but not pushing, is what his mother probably should have done with him instead of her stream of tears that never seemed to end, instead of her silence when Adam had needed her to have a voice. This is what his father should have done, instead of telling him how worthless and useless he was, instead of laughing at him when he tried so hard to make his life better, instead of using him as an ashtray and a punching bag even while stealing from his paychecks.

The thought hits him hard, so that Adam feels something so much bigger than himself that he can't quite put a name to. Support, a belief that he can do something without failing, Adam has never had these things and he has no idea what to do with them. What if he does fail? Suddenly, he's torn between pushing through it and dropping to the ground to give up before he can even attempt it.

He's frozen there on that seventh bar, indecisive, feeling strange things that he doesn't know what to do with.

"I can't." He whispers, with a shake of his head. Failure. Worthless piece of shit. It's stupid, really. They're just monkey bars. She's just being nice. He's being stupid.

[venusvandam]

"That's entirely untrue, you know. You are far stronger than I am."

It isn't hard for Venus to see that there is so much more going on here than just the work of getting across monkey bars.

She steps closer, feet sinking into the sand under the monkey bars. She rests a hand on his ribs. "I would lay money that you can."

[adamparrish]

A part of him knows she's right. That part of him just isn't the loudest voice in Adam's mind. Those positive thoughts that say he is the opposite of everything he's been told, they're a quiet whisper compared to the more negative things.

He's just about to let go and stand up when her hand rests on his side. There's nothing about the touch that's bad. It's encouraging. Supportive. And for some reason, after a brief hesitation, he moves to the eighth bar, then the ninth, then the tenth and last bar before getting to his feet.

He looks back at Venus, eyes confused and a mixture of other emotions he couldn't even begin to sort through.

[venusvandam]

"That's it. Look at you. You're my hero," Venus says, bringing her hands together in front of her chest with a smile.

Such a sweet boy. He's so like Venus and some others: broken and patched together; all those emotions he's feeling are all right. Emotions are what they are, nothing more nor less. It does tug at Venus's heart though.

Cocking her head to the side, she lets her hands drop. She'd hug him if she didn't think he'd skitter. "I will have to work on that," she tells him. "And get better at it. Maybe one day I'll be as good as you are."