itinere | OTA

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When the ghosts and monsters disappeared from Itinere, they took with them the living ghost Katniss had clung to so tightly for the past two years. Prim had disappeared; disappeared and didn't come back, instead returned to a world where Katniss had been the one to die. It had hurt, hurt as much as losing her sister the first time. The full moon hadn't been easy to get through. Nothing about the past few weeks had been easy to get through.

But she had survived. She had survived just like she had survived every difficult situation in her past. Her father's death, the Hunger Games and all that had followed. Watching Prim die, only to find her here in Itinere and eventually lose her all over again. Learning to accept her newfound abilities as a werewolf. She had survived. But this time it had been a little easier. Easier not because of the walls built up from tragedy but the walls she had knocked down. Sometime in the past month, Katniss had all but moved in to Matt's apartment without quite realizing it. Having him, knowing he loves her, somehow made pain easier to bear. Things weren't perfect but they weren't as hopeless as before.

Sooner than expected, the pain fades to a dull ache. She starts to spend less time in the woods or hiding in Matt's apartment and more time enjoying what she loves most about Itinere's summers. The beach remains one of her favorite spots, the ocean vast and endless and beautiful. With her new senses, it's as if she's seeing the coast for the first time all over again: the smell of the salt distinct and sharp, the ability to catch sight of small fish swimming in the pools. Walking along the shore gives her the kind of calm that tying Finnick's rope had in a bomb shelter under District 13. She even smiles a little when others pass, no longer feeling as shy and awkward in her skin. It's a good feeling, something that Katniss has missed.

She also starts to spend time at the Houndstooth again. She's missed it, missed chatting with Lucy and trying all the new drinks and foods the girl recommends. One night, rather than going home early, she stays for the open mic night. It's a good day, a day free of any werewolf-caused-accidents or too much of the sadness associated with Prim's loss. Today almost feels like it could be normal and in that, she feels like celebrating. She approaches the empty mic with a shy kind of look on her face. Katniss smooths the front of her shirt, wishing her hair wasn't in the braid so she could almost hide behind it. She's been in the spotlight before but this time, it's something she chooses for no other reason than fun. And then she starts to sing.

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Lucy spies Katniss the moment she comes in the door. She sets her drink down and runs over toward her in quick little steps (the only kind of run that she can manage in the four-inch heels she almost always wears). She throws her arms around Katniss and kisses her cheek solidly.

"I was almost afraid you'd been sent back to your world, but you were still in my phone contacts so I thought maybe you'd had some ghost problems and were just chilling at home, you know?" She finally pulls back, observing Katniss with a big smile. "How are you? Let's get you something to drink. Are you feeling sweet or something warm like cocoa with rumchata?"

It's an exuberant greeting and one that Katniss doesn't expect at all. Sure, it's been a while since she's been in the Houndstooth or seen Lucy elsewhere. Weeks? Maybe close to a month. She hadn't exactly kept track of time while mourning Prim. This could be the kind of greeting warranted, and personally, it's the kind of greeting Katniss likes.

She hugs Lucy back and smiles at the kiss. Until meeting Lucy, she never had many friends that could be described as exuberantly affectionate. Now that she's had a chance to experience it, it's kind of nice.

"Something warm," she finally answers, opting to address the last question first. "I like the cocoa with rumchata." She offers a grateful smile as she follows Lucy back to the bar. "I'm doing better."

Lucy thinks it's warranted in any case. She's glad that Katniss is accepting of it. She'd been so relieved to see Katniss that she'd forgotten that Katniss can sometimes be a little touchy about personal space.

Lucy thinks it's nice as well.

She nods at that, stepping away and behind the bar to make the hot chocolate. She uses a milk steamer to heat the milk then slowly melts the chocolate in it. None of that powdered stuff here. Once the cocoa is made, Lucy pours a generous shot of rumchata in it and tops it with the kind of whipped cream that comes from a can. She passes the cup to Katniss. "Good. You look good anyway. So what's been going on?"

Lucy is one of the only friends Katniss has on the island. Even if she wasn't in the mood for a hug, she'd do her best not to let that show. She doesn't want to do anything to push the girl away. Those days, the days of not letting others into her life, are behind her. At least, she's trying her best to keep it that way.

Katniss brings the mug to her face, careful not to let the whipped cream tickle her nose by getting too close. She takes a deep breath, capable of smelling the distinct components of the drink. Even if she hadn't seen Lucy pour the generous shot, she'd know from the aroma. Smiling, she takes a sip and sighs. It smells exactly like she remembers it. And tastes that way, too.

"My sister left," she says quietly. It's not something that she particularly wants to talk about but she doesn't want to lie to Lucy either, even if it's by omission. "Sometime after the ghosts." She takes a deep breath and her expression lightens a little. "It's okay. I still got extra years with her we never should have had. She had a chance to meet Matt. That's more than we should have had."

Lucy is actually pretty hard to push away. She is the human version of an overenthusastic puppy. However, she's also glad that Katniss isn't trying to push her away. She likes her friends and she counts Katniss among them.

Lucy picks up her own drink, a mint julep and takes a sip, watching Katniss with a soft smile.

Her smile slips away and her brow furrows a little as Katniss tells her about her sister. "I'm sorry." Her words are genuine and full of sympathy. She's lost people here, but no one who was as important to her as Prim is to Katniss. "I'm so sorry. I mean...it sounds like you've got the right attitude 'cause yeah, but still. I'd say drinks are on me but..." she shrugs a little.

Unlike overenthusiastic puppies, Lucy is someone Katniss considers worth her time and attention. She's someone Katniss would actually miss if she were no longer in her life. A friend. Friends are something that have always been rare in her life. But they're not nearly as costly or as unnecessary as she once might have considered them.

The right attitude. That's something Katniss has struggled with for the past few weeks. The words might come easy but there's a part of her that still has a hard time believing them. She does believe Lucy's sincerity though. For once, she doesn't scowl in response to those words. Lucy means every one.

"I'm trying," she says slowly, staring down at the counter as she talks. She pushes at her drink restlessly. Some days are still better than others. "Thanks."

Matt was pleased to have Katniss move in with him. It made it easier to keep an eye on her, but more importantly it was just nice to share his life and his space with her, to know that she's going to be there when he wakes up, when he goes to sleep. He looks forward to returning to his apartment even when she's not there because the place has definitely taken on signs of her full time residence. The scent of her fills the space. Her things hang in the closet next to his. Things are not as hopeless as any one of them might have thought.

He's glad that Katniss is getting out well; she's showing signs of healing and taking her life back. He's gently encouraged her to move forward, but he hadn't pushed too hard. He couldn't begin to understand her loss so he wasn't going to pretend that he knew better than she did what she needed. He can, however, understand her gain even if he can't understand how she got them or how it impacts her negatively. He tries to help her with her senses, with blocking out everyting except what she wants to hear and to smell. He thinks she's doing wonderfully.

He's just finished working out at hte gym when he gets her text about celebrating a good day at the Houndstooth. He returns the text, letting her know that he's going to shower and he'll be there shortly. When he shows up at the Houndstooth, he's wearing a white button down, open at the collar and a pair of dark pants. It's something he might wear to the office, sans tie. His hair is still damp from the shower and the first thing he hears is Katniss singing. He's heard her sing around the house, but never like this. He waves away the offer of a drink in favor of listening to Katniss. He walks closer to the stage, smiling as he approaches, moving into what he thinks will be her line of sight.

When she comes off stage, he'll be standing there.

She had never really had the chance to live alone. Her sister and mother had moved into her house with the Victor's Village. She hadn't been alone when in the Capitol for the Hunger Games. Hadn't been alone in District 13 either. It's good not to be alone here, either. The apartment the Everdeen sisters shared in Itinere is full of memories that Katniss doesn't want to forget. Without Prim there, it doesn't feel like home. Living in Matt's place? That does feel how home should. Life seems far from hopeless when she still has Matt in her life.

Knowing that has in part made other things easier. Coping with her new life as a werewolf and learning to live with everything that entails. Matt has been a terrific tutor when it comes to gaining better control of her senses. Laura, too, when learning to be more competent (and maybe even more secure) with being a werewolf. This is her life now. She never had a chance to share it with Prim but she's starting to feel more and more confident in sharing it with the others still here.

Singing hadn't been on Katniss' mind when she had texted Matt an invitation to join her. It hadn't even been a thought until almost done with the sweet, chocolaty mixed drink that had been made for her. Even then, it's more of a spontaneous decision rather than anything else and she can only hope that Matt will get there in time.

She knows the second he walks in. Learning how to block out all the sounds and smells that could easily become overwhelming has also taught her how to quickly pick up on specifics. A smile quickly crosses her lips as she sings, watching as he walks straight to the stage rather than get a drink first. As soon as she finishes, she hurries out of the stage to wrap her arms around his neck and stands on her toes to kiss him. "You made it."

It's not a bad thing to live alone. It teaches self sufficency and helps one get to know themselves. However, Matt thinks Katniss has plenty of self sufficency and she seems to be getting to know herself just fine living with him. In fact, she seems happier living with him than she had before and maybe part of that is that she's processing her grief from losing Prim, but Matt likes to think that he has something to do with her happiness. He likes having her there and it's the first time he's lived with someone since living with Foggy in college.

She's doing an admirable job with her senses and her new life as a werewolf. Matt isn't sure he'd handle the werewolf thing so well. After all, the reason she is a werewolf now is that Matt hadn't handled it well. Not only that, she's making friends and forging a new life. Matt is proud of her.

Spontaneous decisions are good. It means she's starting to settle into this new life, to get comfortable with it. Of course, the alcohol in her drink might have had a little to do with that.

As he mentioned, she's doing wonderfully. He can always get a drink, he can't always support Katniss when she's doing something that he knows has to make her a little nervous. Besides, he's heard her sing around the apartment enough to know that she's good. He can hear that smile in her voice and knows that she's seen him and that she's glad he's here. He bows his head, returning the kiss and wraps his arms around her waist, lifting her up the tinist bit. "And I'm glad that I did. You were amazing up there."

Becoming the head of a household at age eleven goes a far way in teaching one self-sufficiency. It hadn’t been much of a choice. Someone had to look out for the Everdeen family after her father’s death. Her mother proved incapable of doing so. Once, she would have balked at the idea of getting to know herself. The more time she spends around Matt though, the harder it seems to continue that self-loathing that’s plagued her for so many years. Someone like Matt, someone as noble as he is, loves her. It’s not a bond forged through a childhood spent in the Seam, or through the heat of Games and battle, but out of genuine, mutual attraction. It’s not something she’s experienced before, and it goes far in improving her self-worth. Just like being held by Matt at night goes far in calming her nightmares.

What choice does she have? There’s little admirable in her eyes. Like everything else she’s done in her life, she’s only doing what’s necessary to survive. In some ways, the changes are not too unfamiliar. She’s always been a predator, always drawn to the woods. Violent and dangerous. Matt hadn’t handled it very well because that’s not his nature. He fights because he’s a protector, an avenger. She’s always killed to survive. Maybe that makes it easier for her to accept the werewolf nature. Besides, she still takes some blame for the way Matt lost control that day. Maybe she likes it a little too much when he bites her.

She also likes it when he lifts her like this. Yes, it makes it easier to kiss him. But it also makes her feel protected. It’s a reminder that she doesn’t have to always look out for herself anymore. There’s more freedom to enjoy life again. Have fun. Sing in front of a crowd for no other reason than the pure enjoyment she gets from it. “It’s a lullaby my father used to sing for me.” Her smile fades a little. “I used to sing it to Prim whenever she woke up from a nightmare.”

Katniss is a familiar face to Jill if just because they've both been around Itinere for awhile. They've never really talked that much though, mostly Jill's fault because she has such a hard time people-ing unless it's in a professional capacity, as in she's behind the bar making drinks and the other person is ordering them. Many a conversation and friendship has started with Jill asking what someone would like to drink. It's just easier that way than getting someone to like her without tending bar as a buffer.

When Katniss starts to sing, Jill just stands there behind the bar listening. The song is haunting and sad and everything that speaks to Jill deep inside where no one can see, or more appropriately where she doesn't let anyone see, no one except for Lucy.

When Katniss steps off of the stage, Jill starts wiping down the counter of the bar again and offers Jill a small, crooked smile. "That was a beautiful song."

It's probably as much Katniss' fault as it is Jill's. She knows of Jill. You can't be friends with Lucy without knowing who Jill is. She probably should have introduced herself long before. But Lucy makes it so easy to befriend. She's so outgoing, so unlike Katniss that the friendship just seems to come naturally. As if she had no choice the moment Lucy had decided to say hello. Jill, it seems, is much more like Katniss. Not good with other people.

Still, Katniss is trying. Trying a lot harder to be cordial and social than she has in a long time. Itinere is her home. She should do her best to keep it that way.

That small, crooked smile of Jill's is returned as Katniss approaches the bar. Accepting compliments isn't easy either but like everything else, she's trying. "Thank you. I grew up with it."

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