Closed to Adam | Only then I am human

[fictor]

Ronan had moped for days after the bad luck curse had worn off. Moping looks a lot driving too fast and too much. He ends up exploring the roads around Itinere, up into the mountains and away from the beach and the town proper. It's the first time he's gone so far in the BMW. He usually settles for roaring down the main streets, but those really aren't 'moping' streets. He needs the stretches of open road and the illusion of freedom at least.

And what he finds out in the mountains takes his breath away. He races way too fast back to Adam's garage. He squeals into one of the open bays, not even bothering to cut the engine on the car. He throws open the door.

"Adam, get in the damn car." He sounds excited rather than angry, but it's not a request. It's a demand. He needs to show Adam what he found now.

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[fictor]

Ronan likes the way Adam's hand feels in his. He even likes the way that Adam has to look away quickly from him. He's watched Adam enough to know that's not a bad thing. In fact, he's fairly certain it's exactly the opposite. For the record, Ronan wouldn't mind if Adam kissed him again.

He watches Adam with that unwavering intensity, watches the way his tongue slips out to taste his lips and he's the one that wants to kiss Adam so badly that it aches.

In fact, when Adam moves toward him, Ronan stops, leaning in to press a hard, hungry kiss against Adam's mouth. He breaks the kiss just as quickly, almost violently as starts toward the stairs.

[adamparrish]

Ronan stops him and Adam immediately feels the press of Ronan's lips against his again. Is it possible to be so ready for something that you're not ready at all? Sometimes everything about Ronan feels that way to him, as if it was always meant to be, as if it were something so natural almost like breathing. And them sometimes it feels like being doused with ice cold water, shocking and turbulent and who ever thought that something like this could happen to him?

His lips part beneath the onslaught. Adam starts to kiss him back just a second before Ronan pulls away again, leaving him breathless and off kilter as Ronan leads him to the stairs. Yes, it's possible to be ready and not ready at the same time. It's possible to want and not want. It's possible to be comfortable but on edge.

Adam silently follows Ronan, their hands still clasped together. His mind isn't on where they're going. It's stuck back in the kitchen just moments ago.

[fictor]

Sometimes Ronan feels the same way: like this thing with Adam is meant to be, but it still shocks him every time he wakes up with Adam there. However, this moment feels like driving the BMW too fast, just on that edge of losing self control, but still the one holding the steering wheel.

He likes kissing Adam this way, taking him so by surprise that he's breathless and frozen in the moment. Ronan would agree but for one small thing: wanting and not wanting. There is nothing in Ronan that doesn't want Adam right now.

Everything about Ronan except his body is still in that moment back in the kitchen, but he's trying not to push Adam too far, trying to make certain that Adam is comfortable in this thing between them. They go up the stairs and down the narrow hallway to Ronan's room. He tosses open the door carelessly and moves to the closet, glancing over his shoulder at Adam before he steps inside the closet, finally letting go of Adam's hand and moving some clothes aside. There's nothing that indicates that this space of wall is any different from any other space of wall, but when Ronan fumbles with one end of the clothes rod, a door in the wall opens up and Ronan bends at the waist, stepping into the space behind the door. It's a small room, but spacious enough for two people if they don't mind being close. Blankets and pillows are scattered about the floor. There are sketches on the wall and a stash of paper and pencils in one corner. This is clearly where Ronan came to draw as a kid.

[adamparrish]

Ronan's room. Adam had peeked in here a few times, even as recently as a few minutes ago after his shower. But he's never looked around. Not really. Even now, his gaze slides over the room, trying to quickly take stock of this monument to Ronan's past without being too intrusive about it or too obvious about it.

He's surprised when he's being pulled into a closet. But he easily follows, nonetheless. Whatever is happening here, Ronan has to let go of his hand to do it. Then the wall is opening up and Adam's curiosity is piqued. Brushing aside the clothes, he dips down into the space and looks around. Oh what he would have done for a space like this in the trailer where he grew up. A place to hide and disappear for awhile. He likes it.

"Did you dream this here or was it built in already?" He asks, leaning down to look over the drawings on the walls.

[fictor]

He'll have time to look over the room and Ronan will encourage him to open drawers and snoop in things. Ronan doesn't keep secrets, not really and certainly not from Adam. He may not come out and say anything, but it's not because he's keeping a secret. It's because Ronan has difficulty using his words.

Yeah, it's not what people usually show off in a room. It's one of the reasons that Ronan is showing it to him; he wants to share his hiding space, to give Adam a place to hide if that is what he wants even if there's not nearly as many things to hide from here as there were in the trailer.

Ronan shrugs a little Adam's question, biting his bottom lip as he contemplates the question. "Don't know for sure. I think I was...two when I found it? Declan had been an ass and Dad was gone on a trip. I think it's a dream thing though. The door doesn't have any seams."

[adamparrish]

"So no one can find it. No one knows it's here." Except for the two of them. Somehow, that made the fact that Ronan shared this secret space with him all the more personal. Adan felt... special. He felt special in a way he did not often feel that way. It was a warm feeling inside of him, different from the warmth he had felt in the kitchen.

Ronan has a way of doing little things to make Adam feel good, like he matters, without having to say a word. Christmas with the bracelet he still wears on his wrist every day. Hand cream. Mix tapes. And now this. Adam has no experience with doing things like this. He knows the token gestures like flowers and chocolates. But Ronan is not a flowers and chocolates kind of guy. He's working on the motorcycle for Ronan in secret. But that's going to take time.

Adam settles down on the pillows, imagining a younger Ronan hiding in this room and feeling safe and secure. He imagines Ronan doing it now.

"I like it." He finally says. Maybe he should say more. But those three words seemed all-encompassing enough.

[fictor]

Ronan nods. "Yeah. I think that was the idea. After Matthew, he and I would come in here and hide until Dad got home or until Declan quit being a dick," he says as he settles down on the pillows with Adam. "Which was never," he smirks.

Ronan is (surprisingly) the 'girly' one in this relationship. It's not that he sits around thinking of ways to make Adam feel good. It's more that he just does things because he wants to. He is definitely not a flowers and chocolates kind of guy, but he will love the motorcycle because Adam took time to build it rather than wish for it. It's enough for Ronan that Adam lets him do these things, that he indulges him when Ronan knows he's annoying the shit out of Adam (like every. single. day at the garage). It's enough that Adam cares about Chainsaw and gets along with her, that he doesn't say anything about the toasters that show up in the kitchen without any way to put toast in them or the coffee maker that won't actually brew coffee. Ronan is very fucking aware that he's a trial to live with and he likes it that way. Only the best people, the people worth his time put up with it.

Ronan smirks at Adam's declaration, relief softening some of his harder edges. This is one of those little vulnerable parts of Ronan that he's showing Adam and that's always a little stressful for him. What if Adam finds it ridiculous? Or doesn't understand it? But, he obviously does.

[adamparrish]

Adam smirks at the mention of Declan's less than stellar attitude. He looks up at Ronan and nods. He understands. He would have been in here all the damn time if he'd had a place like this. He might even start coming here to this spot more often when he needs to be alone. That's why Ronan showed it to him, right?

The space even seems to smell like Ronan, but why settle for that when he has the real thing here? He tugs on Ronan's hand, getting him to settle down on the pillows with him. Then he sort of wraps himself around Ronan like Ronan is sometimes wrapped around him when they wake up each day. He doesn't say anything. He just settles in here, giving Ronan no option but to let him do it unless he just flat out pushes him away and says no.

Who needs words, anyway? He feels safe and good right now. Adding anything to that might mess it up.