Open | I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me

[preemptiveforgiveness]

Matt's suit showed up a few days after the monsters did. Maybe the city had decided it needed him, or maybe Matt was just ready to pick up the mantle of Daredevil again. Whichever it was, he's dived back into being a vigilante whole heartedly. He's spent every possible hour out in Itinere trying to save people. At first, he'd been hesitant about killing the monsters. He'd been very clear back home about taking lives, but the more often he fights these things the more clear it becomes they're not human and that relieves the guilt he would normally feel about taking lives. He's not a vegetarian and he's never picked up on the buddhist idea of not taking any life, human or otherwise. He may have studied many different kinds of combat, but spiritually he's remained very Catholic.

He hasn't been sleeping much since he picked up the suit, but he's used to that. In fact, in many ways he's more comfortable with this life style than he is with the one of relaxation and leisure he's been living since arriving in Itinere. He checks in every day with those that he's befriended: Derek, Claire, Katniss, Prim and Bo. He sleeps when he can, usually in his own apartment where he's got a sound machine that mimics the city back home.

For anyone that needs help, Matt is out there. He's listening from the tops of buildings for screams, for people in danger. He wants to help.

Comments

[stillplaying]

If he ever asked for assistance in protecting the city, Katniss might consider. Without any encouragement though, she won't volunteer. Katniss has tried to help others before. Most of the time, it resulted in getting someone killed. Hunting is more her speed. As dangerous as it is right now, she needs it to keep calm. And because it does let her help in her own small way. Knowing Matt is watching over her makes her feel braver, too.

Except with Katniss, occasionally braveness gets confused with cockiness. She's not purposely engaging any of the monsters, therefore she has to be safe. She thought she could handle the deer on her own. She also thought that she'd know better than to freeze in front of the creatures.

Katniss hadn't counted on them being actual muttations though. Muttations from Panem. The ones that had killed Finnick. That had nearly stolen everyone on her propos team from her. She should be smarter than this. The deer meat is replaceable. The promise that she had made to Prim isn't. She should move. She should run. At the very least, she should pull out an arrow from her quiver and try to shoot the closest mutt. Her heart is beating like crazy and she feels tears prick at her eyes. One of the mutts repeats her name and all she can picture is Finnick's last moments.

"No," she whispers. No. She doesn't want to die. Not anymore. Katniss drops the deer from her hand and starts to run. The muttations hiss and cackle in response, delighting in the chase.

[preemptiveforgiveness]

Some day he might, but right now he's more concerned about making sure Katniss is safe. The people who help him tend to end up hurt and he doesn't want that for Katniss.

Bravery and cockiness often get confused for a lot of people. She probably could have handled the deer, but the monsters make it dangerous rather than simply cumbersome. Given her history with these monsters, it makes sense that she'd freeze.

This isn't a physical fear for her, it's emotional and it's tied to tragedy in her past. Of course she's afraid. She isn't thinking, can't think because that fear is paralyzing her, that emotion is blocking any and all logical response. Matt can hear the way her heart beats too fast. He can practically smell the salt in her tears and he pushes himself.

He drops from a building into a crouch right in front of Katniss. He grabs her wrist and pulls her behind him while sending one end of the billy club he's carrying out to smack the lizard on the head. "Run back to the Houndstooth," he tells Katniss. The billy club does a decent job of distracting the mutts and gives him the moment he needs to launch into combat with them. It's supernatural the way he narrowly avoids the snap of teeth and the swipe of claws, employing the billy club.

[stillplaying]

Funny; the people that tend to care for her have a tendency to end up hurt, too. And she still let Matt in. Some risks are apparently worth it.

He's right in thinking that her fear is more of an emotional response than a physical one. She hasn't told him much about the uprising and as soon as she sees Matt, Katniss has a sinking feeling that she might have to explain some of her history with the lizard muttations in the near future. That's fine; so far, nothing she's said has caused Matt to shy away from her. And the wound has already been ripped back open.

That's why she still doesn't run even as Matt tells her too. Survival has always been paramount in Katniss' life. It's an instinct that's always won out. One she's always listened to. Except now. Running would be the smart thing to do. It would be the safest. But Matt's standing in between her and the mutts and while they're not in a sewer below the Capitol, the situation feels too much the same.

"Finnick," she whispers, practically sobbing the name. This feels too much like Finnick telling her to climb up the ladder while he held back the mutts. She had left and he had died. Though Katniss takes a few steps backwards, she can't leave. But she's still useless in a fight, trapped in the memories rather than doing anything to help Matt or herself.

[preemptiveforgiveness]

Caring about Katniss isn't going to put Matt in more danger. His life is already full of danger.

No, she hasn't, and yes he's going to want to know more about this and what's going on with her. He's glad that she realizes she won't scare him away.

At least, he realizes that she hasn't run, that he needs to keep these things, whatever they are, away from Katniss.

His attention is grabbed for a moment by Katniss uttering a name that he doesn't recognize. It's enough that the lizard has a chance to slash at Matt. Thankfully, the armor protects him from actually getting hurt. He returns to wailing on the lizard things. He uses the edged blades on the club, but they're not really meant for this sort of thing. He manages to beat one to the point of it slinking away to lick it's wounds, but he's still got others to deal with.

[stillplaying]

Her fear and apprehension about endangering others is far from anything rational. It's the result of too many coincidences and a desperate need to hold on tightly to those few she has left in her life. Still, it's a hard fear to quit.

Fearful tears sting her eyes when the lizard slashes at Matt. Distracting him is the last thing she wants right now. Katniss had been lost in her own head, caught up in the memories that she'd rather forget. In the moments before Matt's attacked, she had been reliving Finnick's final moments. Her mind had been far from the present danger. It's the sound of claws scratching the armor that snap her back to reality. She blinks, watching Matt to beat the lizard mutt into retreat. Then another one approaches.

This time, she does have enough thought to fire an arrow at the nearest mutt.

[preemptiveforgiveness]

It's not a fear she has to get over right now. Matt is handling this okay. She just needs to stay safe.

Matt doesn't wish monsters on Itinere, but it is nice to be out here fighting again. He won't admit how easy is to let loose and not worry about killing these things.

All of that being said, it's also nice to have Katniss' back up. She fells the mutt nearest her and he goes to work beating the last one. If she can take a shot, he'll give her some space to do it. All she has to do is draw back her bowstring and he'll get out of the way before the arrow hits.

[stillplaying]

The concept of superheroes is one that Katniss is still learning about. Even so, she doubts that Matt would have a suit if he didn't know what he was doing out there. Based on the bits that he's told her about Daredevil, she doesn't doubt that he can handle these monsters. His experiences have been very different than her own.

She should take the shot. She needs to keep Matt safe from that last mutt. Succeed when she had failed before. But until Matt gives her enough space, she doesn't pull back. Finally, after what seems like forever, Katniss finally feels confident enough to let an arrow fly.

[preemptiveforgiveness]

Matt supposes it is a rather 20th century concept. Even then, he's not sure that it's something that really came about until Captain America in the forties. Matt hadn't originally set out to be a superhero and if he couldn't hear everyone's pain and cries for help, he might not be one now. He's more comfortable with the term vigilante, but that has more to do with his own issues than anything.

When he hears the bow pulled back, he starts trying to give her the space to take the shot. Of course, that's easier said than done. The lizard thing has no desire to keep any space between them. Matt has to find a weak spot and work at it until the lizard is pushed back a bit. Once that happens, he ducks and gets well out of the way when he hears Katniss' arrow fly. He'll wait until he hears it hit and knows it's a fatal shot before he goes to her, one hand reaching out to her.

"Katniss, it's okay now. They're gone." He starts speaking to her before he gets to her, wanting her to realize that it's him approaching her.

[stillplaying]

Katniss hears his words but they don't register. She's still feeling the shock of seeing the lizard mutts to begin with, still caught in the back flashes of running through the Capitol tunnels. She sees Finnick dying again and again. She hears herself whispering 'nightlock, nightlock, nightlock' over and over. It's as if she's trapped in the cycle of nightmares even though she's awake. Itinere hasn't always been safe but it's never had mutts.

Her grip stays tight on her bow as Matt approaches. She has enough common sense not to reach for another arrow. It's Matt. It's Matt in the dark red suit. Matt that saved her. Matt that's still alive.

Still alive.

She should've been the one to die that day. She should've been the one to die when the parachutes exploded. Why did she survive? Why? Why didn't Peeta let her take the nightlock pill? Why did Matt have to save her now.

Staying strong isn't possible anymore. She falls to her knees and hugs herself tightly and tears cloud her vision. "Dead," she whispers. "They're dead. Gone."

But she isn't referring to the lizard mutts.

[preemptiveforgiveness]

Whether she's the mockingjay or not, she's too important to die. The universe seems to know that. Besides, she deserves a life, a good one.

He puts up his weapon and starts to her. Thankfully, he's close enough to catch her when her knees crumple under her. He sweeps her up in his arms, pressing a kiss to her temple. "Come on. I'll get you somewhere safe."

He has the feeling she's not referring to the lizard mutts.

[stillplaying]

No she isn't. Katniss isn't more important than anyone else in Panem or Itinere, or anywhere for that matter. If she dies, she dies. There's nothing that says she deserved (or still deserves) to live. Let alone have a good life. This is where Matt becomes so important. These are the kinds of things he'll never let her get away with thinking for long.

He also catches her when she falls. He's been there to hold her whenever the painful memories have gotten the better of her, even when they had only just been getting to know each other. There are very, very few people she'd be okay with seeing her this weak and he's one of them.

Her eyes close as he scoops her up and presses a comforting kiss on her temple. She's still replaying everyone dying in her head. Katniss can't stop the memories from flooding in. The lizard mutts have made it all too real. She takes a deep breath and another one and then leans her head against his chest. "Are you okay?"

[preemptiveforgiveness]

Katniss is important to Matt. She's the most important person here, as far as he's concerned. No, he won't let her think so little of herself. Not ever, because he thinks far too highly of her.

He's trying to make sure that he's always there when she needs him. He loves her even when she's weak and he knows that he can be just as vulnerable in front of her.

He heads straight toward his apartment, using his senses to avoid any other monsters on the way. "I'm okay," he tells her quietly. "We'll be there in just a little while."

[stillplaying]

He's so good for her. So good to her. Right now, she needs this support. She needs the reminder that there's others here - people that aren't Prim - that want and maybe even need her in their lives. The appearance of the lizard mutts triggered a kind of reaction in her that she hasn't felt in a long time now. She's come a long way since the day she assassinated Coin and tried to take her own life. Giving in to that depression would be too easy.

When it comes down to it, she just can't give in all together. As much as she needs Matt, there are times he needs her. His life has been just as far from easy as her own. He needs someone to love him and remind him not to give in to his guilt.

"Good," she whispers. He's okay. He's okay. She didn't get him killed, too. Matt won't be another casualty on the long list that she often repeats in her mind. "Good. I- I can't lose you, too."

[preemptiveforgiveness]

Quite frankly, Matt needs this as well. He needs someone who needs him and wants him here, him not the vigilante that he can be. Matt will do everything possible to remind Katniss that she's wanted and needed by someone other than her sister. He's been lucky and hasn't ever really suffered from depression, but he knows that it's easy to fall into and he'll give Katniss every reason not to.

He'll remind her of that as well.

She didn't get him killed. She's not going to get him killed. In fact, she'd saved him by shooting the lizard mutt. She is the reason that he is okay. He'll remind her of that too. He's got a lot of things to remind her of. "I'm not going anywhere," he tells her as he uses the fire escape to get to his apartment, sliding open the window and ducking through with her in his arms. He takes her to the couch, carefully lying her down and pulling a blanket over her. "I'm just going to get out of this suit. I'll be right back. I'll make you some tea and sit with you, okay?"

[stillplaying]

She understood the reasons why he took up the vigilante role. It isn’t always easy to sit back and do nothing. Regardless of why, sometimes you just have to take up the fight. But she’s never fully appreciated what Matt was capable of until now. Now that they’re both safe, and she’s laying on his couch wrapped in a blanket that smells so reassuringly like him, she can really appreciate what he can do. Blindness isn’t a weakness for Matt; it’s an incredible strength.

“Okay,” she whispers, pulling the blanket tighter around herself. They’re safe in here. So far, she hasn’t heard of any monsters breaking in to an apartment. Matt can change into normal clothing and get her tea. She can breathe. There aren’t any lizard mutts. And nothing, nothing she does will ever bring Finnick or the others back.

Katniss watches Matt until he’s out of sight and then stares blankly at the window they climbed through. Closing her eyes is tempting but also far too terrifying a prospect. She doesn’t want to relive that day in the Capitol. She holds his blanket close to her nose, breathing in the smell of Matt to keep her grounded in the present. It’s better that way. Better the now than the then.

[preemptiveforgiveness]

Well, she's never had to see him in action. This place has been relatively safe until now, or at least it has been since Matt has been here. He'd been content enough for her to never find out what he's capable of as long as it meant she was safe. With his other abilities, she's right: blindness is a strength for him.

It doesn't take him long to take off the suit and change into soft sweat pants and a tee shirt. He puts the kettle on to boil then moves to sit on the couch next to her. He wraps an arm around her shoulders and pulls her close.

"Do you want something to eat? I can do soup or maybe make a frozen pizza."