itinere | open | you stepped with a heavy tread and left your mark

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{criminal minds: derek morgan

open | you stepped with a heavy tread and left your mark

When Derek gets up every morning, he goes jogging on the trails through the park that lead into the lower parts of the mountains and back out to the city. It's a good way to start his day, get his heart and mind going and clear his thoughts. Also, anyone who needs him in the mornings can know where to find him. He'll be somewhere on those trails.

This morning he was awoken by his dog, Clooney, licking his face. The bulldog wasn't here in Itinere yesterday. It is today. Maybe he'd subconsciously wanted him here. In any case, it makes him smile and he takes Clooney with him to run the trails. Clooney is well trained in sticking close to him and keeping up with him.

With Clooney here, with things with Venus getting better than they were, life seems to be setting to rights.

He'll be taking Clooney over to meet Venus at some point.

After meeting Matt and visiting his gym, Derek has been showing up to work at the rec center less and less. With Matt's gym manned and active, there's no need for Derek to work so hard to keep the rec center going. It might even eventually phase out. He'll find something else to do. Derek has a lot of interests, after all.

With Fall getting closer, Derek also visits the beach more. He loves the beach. He loves the sun. Anyone who knows him at all knows this about him. He can be found lounging on the beach getting some sun. Or maybe in the water swimming out as far as he can go and back in to shore.

Most nights he's at Venus's apartment. Sometimes he's at his own.

* * *

One day on his morning jog, his phone buzzes and lights up. The GPS is on with a blinking red dot on it. There's a part of him that feels like it might be a trap. Itinere can be unpredictable. Going straight to a random red dot on his phone is probably not the smartest thing. But it looks like it's in the city and his curiosity gets the best of him.

He jogs off the trail and back into the city, slowing as he passes buildings and houses and gets closer to the red dot. What he finds there is an old house, Victorian style, fairly large, two floors. The house looks like it's seen better days.

What a crappy gift, one might think. But Derek's favorite hobby is restoring old houses. How Itinere knows these things is beyond him.

Derek pushes open the creaky door and sees the mess inside. He smiles. In the large foyer is a tool chest with all kinds of tools and other construction items he might need to get the job done.

This. This is perfect.

"I don't know how or why you did it... but thanks." He says to the empty room. He has the distinct feeling that whoever deserved the thanks is listening.

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Prim has been back for months now, but she's spent most of that clinging to this new reality and trying to get past any nightmares and panic cropping up at the idea of losing it all. She's done all right with it, but she still isn't quite the sweet, innocent girl she was when Derek last saw her. The memories of Itinere seem to come in pieces and at random. There's no rhyme or reason to any of it. So the day she spies Derek on the beach, she isn't entirely sure it's him.

Or that she knows him.

She stops short, frowning deeply as she searches desperately for any trace of this man in her memories. It feels as though she should know him, but she can't for the life of her figure it out. Not right away. Hesitantly, she approaches, stopping a rather large distance away, close enough that she can still talk to him, but far enough that it's clear she has an escape route should something go wrong.

"Um... I'm sorry if I'm wrong, but... do I know you?"

She looks at least similar, like she's an older version of the young girl who was here only months ago. Little things about her are different: the haunted and cautious look behind her eyes, the fact that she wears long pants and long sleeves to her shirts, the way her fingers twist into the hem of her shirt or around each other, like she absolutely has to have something to distract herself with. She's different, but she is still Primrose, the young girl Derek helped take care of. His funnel cake friend.

In that way, they've both been gone for a time (4 years for Derek) and been through a lot, then come back. They both look older. Derek is just off of being abducted and tortured. He's very good at masking those ghosts that haunt him though. He's had a lot of practice pretending to be fine when he's not. He's also settling into the current peacefulness of this place pretty well. Maybe he'd needed the usual quiet nature of Itinere for a spell.

The voice is familiar almost instantly. But then again Derek's had more time for his memories of this place to come back than Prim has had. He remembers everything at this point, the good and the bad. There's more good than bad about this place. He knows that all too well right now.

The face is familiar too, although he's astute enough to notice all the changes, some of the quite drastic compared to what he remembers of Primrose Everdeen. It makes him sad that she's changed the way she has. But that's life, isn't it?

Derek's lips pull into a grin and he nods. "Yeah, you know me, Pretty Girl. I'm guessing you just got back here." He remembers his own disorientation upon returning. "I'm Derek. We're friends, you and me. I kept you safe when things weren't so good around here and your sister was trying to make things better." Katniss had trusted him to keep Prim safe.

Pretty Girl. She knows that nickname. Derek gave it to her a long time ago, right? She remembers something else that goes with her knowledge of him, something that makes her lips curl upwards into a smile.

"You gave me funnel cake when we met." That's a memory that she treasures. Prim had been brand new, more or less, and he had been the first kind face she had seen. A pause as her expression contracts a little bit with the resurgence of more memories. "And I helped you once. I can't remember everything, but I remember that."

Her memories are still spotty for a variety of reasons, but not so much because she's just gotten back. She feels guilty that she hasn't been by to see him yet. Even though she's had the physical capability since she got back, she hasn't wanted to let her sister out of her sight until recently. Neither, it would seem, had Katniss.

So Prim shakes her head, looking apologetic. "It's been a few months," she admits. A sense of trust kicks in and she adds on, "I was too afraid this was a dream and I'd wake up to Katniss being gone." She's still not entirely convinced, but it's definitely better than it was.

"Yeah, I did." Derek remembers Prim as the girl who didn't smile enough. He understood that her world didn't lend itself to smiles. So when she smiles just now, and over a memory that has to do with him, it makes him feel good. He's also glad that she can smile at all. "Pretty sure you liked it too."

Prim did help him. She tended his wounds and gave him something to help him sleep. He's gotten better about that. Some days are worse than others. Some days everything is great. Maybe someday there will be more good days than bad. Derek hasn't given up hope of that. "You tended my wounds. You're pretty good with that stuff."

Derek glances up and around the general space they're in. It's a beautiful day. It's picturesque, even. "Yeah, sometimes it seems too good to be true. Although it's got its moments where things aren't so perfect."

He pulls out his PDA. "You know you can check on Katniss with this thing you got when you arrived. It has everyone's name on it, all the people who live here. If her name's on the contact list, she's still here." It had taken him awhile to figure that one out. He can check on all his people with this thing, without being too much of a stalker.

"I did," she affirms, her smile widening. "I really did. We don't get sweet things like that in the Districts. It was a treat. It still is." Even three years later, it's a treat she doesn't have much. If ever. "So, if... if we get that sort of opportunity again, can we split another? I'd really like to keep you as my friend."

Friends are important to her. So very important, especially in the wake of her sister's death. If she doesn't have friends, connections of any kind, then she knows she could very easily lose herself in her grief and guilt. That scares her to her very bones.

Her smile turns appreciative at his compliment. Because of their connection, she takes his words to heart, grateful for everything he's saying. "I've always wanted to be a doctor. Ever since I can remember. I just like helping people and animals. I've had a lot of practice in the last three years, so if you ever need help again, just let me know. I'm reopening the Apothecary, so I'll be there again soon."

The sight of the PDA makes her gaze fall momentarily as she gently bites her lower lip. She knows about that thing and he does have a point about calling Katniss and checking on her. But there's just one problem with that. Prim's not ready to trust this whole thing. Not yet. Leaving her sister's side like this has been the first step. Next will be trusting the PDA.

"I know," she whispers, finally glancing up at Derek through her eyelashes, her smile fading. "It's just that... after three years of having dreams of my sister being alive and well, knowing that those weren't real and that she's still gone when I wake up... it's hard to believe that the same won't happen here." Maybe someday she'll get better about believing that, but right now... well, it is better; it's just not perfect yet.

That makes Derek smile, probably more than he has in some time. There's something incredibly poignant about the obviousness of being wanted in any capacity. Maybe Derek needs to be wanted. Everyone does, right? He's more than happy to call Prim his friend. "You got it. I wanna keep you as a friend too, pretty girl."

He understands how hard it can be to trust anything or anyone. He gets her reaction. The tangible is sometimes more necessary than the intangible. So Derek nods his understanding. "Hey, I get it. It's alright. I'll keep an eye out for her too, just for you."

Although, when she says her sister has been dead for three years, his brows lift. "Katniss is dead in your world? Oh, Prim. I'm sorry."

Prim likes the smiling much better than the other, so she decides to get the yucky part over with first. Nodding, she purses her lips tightly before trying to force words past her tight throat. No one has said it so plainly here and even though she knows the truth of the matter, hearing it is still hard. “She’s alive here and I haven’t woken up. That’s all I can ask for.” It might not be perfect, but it’s better than it was. She’ll take the weirdness of Itinere over not having her sister any day.

But the rest gets her to smile again and she hopes he will join her. “Then we’ll stay friends,” she declares happily, the first sign of her younger self she’s given in a long, long time. “Katniss may not want people to watch over her, but she needs it, too. She could use friends.”

And people who know Prim are automatically good.

He has no idea how the Everdeen girls have gotten under his skin the way they have. But in some ways, he's grown to feel protective of them in a lot of ways. He has a very 'big brother' relationship with both of them. Even if he only really knows Katniss through Prim and not at all as well as he knows Prim.

In that way, he does need to get to know Katniss better, for Prim. Maybe for Katniss too, in spite of the way she usually keeps Derek at arms length.

It's sad. He remembers something about Prim being dead too. Which is confusing for him. But he's also glad that they're both here in the here and now, no matter what. He would give Prim a hug, but he isn't sure she completely remembers him yet, at least not well enough for hugging, as Derek is prone to do with anyone he cares about.

"Everyone needs people, even when we wanna be alone." He gets that too. Derek can sometimes have a tendency to get lost in his own mind. "We'll make sure none of us are alone, how about that? With maybe the occasional funnel cake thrown in."

It's definitely weird. Neither of the girls really understands it, though they haven't made many attempts to do so. It's just too much to try to compare whose death happened because of what and what else happened because of that. Prim much prefers to focus on the fact that they're both alive here and Katniss seems to agree.

She would take a hug from him most likely, but it's probably a good move for now. Maybe soon she'll break that barrier for him.

Prim giggles at his words and nods. "I like that. Funnel cake and all. Maybe I can cook for us all sometime, too. I've learned a few things since--" Since her sister's death, to be exact. "--since I was last here."

"Pretty girl that's something I'll never say no to, a home-cooked meal." His mom was quite the chef, and still to this day makes him home-cooked emals every time he goes home to visit her. She always tells him he's too thin and tries to fatten him, and his friends he might bring home, up.

"I'm only really good at cooking on an outdoor grill - burgers and hotdogs and stuff." He adds. "Tried to cook the Thanksgiving turkey once for my mom and my sisters and ended up burning it. We ordered pizza so we'd have something to eat with all the other Thanksgiving fixin's."

He grins at the memory. Even though it was a catastrophe in the moment, it turned out okay and in hindsight it's one of his fondest memories with his family.

"Then it's a deal," she says brightly. She'll have to find out what he likes and then see if she can figure out how to cook it, but that's not so hard. Or at least it'll be fun and a good way to get her more involved with people, especially friends. She could use more things to do.

"Thanksgiving?" she asks, her smile still in place. "What's that like? I mean, the food. That's not something we celebrate in Panem."

It sounds like a good story, both Thanksgiving in general and his personal one.

"Usually there's turkey and fixings to go with it, stuff like bread rolls, green beans, potatoes, dressing and cranberry sauce... stuff like that. My mom used to mix it up and sometimes she did ham instead of turkey. Lots of pie, I really like pie and my mama used to make a fantastic apple pie." Derek says. "We'd sit around and watch football and play games."

He shouldn't be surprised that this Panem place didn't have a Thanksgiving holiday, but he is, for about a split second. Panem is not a place he'd like to live in. Yeah, he had his own horrors in his life, but that wasn't a product of his world, it was something else entirely.

"Does Panem have any holidays outside of the Games?" Prim has told him about the Games. He gets that it was celebrated, even though that's hard to wrap his mind around.

Panem missed out on a lot of things. The Districts missed out on the most. A feast like that would never happen for them, even though that seemed to be every day for the Capitol. Things are different now, with Snow gone, but they're still not at that level. President Paylor tries her best to help the Districts, but even with three years, not enough time has passed yet. They're all still recovering. So all Prim has to go on is the image of all that food.

"I might end up sick from eating too much," she admits wryly. "But it sounds wonderful." She could go for those kinds of celebrations.

As for the ones they do have, she tilts her head. "Not anymore. I mean, we don't celebrate the Games anymore. They stopped for good three years ago with the assassination of President Snow. The only thing we really celebrate now is New Panem Day, the day President Paylor took over."

"Oh man, sometimes that's the whole point. Just being with family and friends, eating your fill and being thankful for what you have." Derek says. "Sometimes my dad, when he was still alive, would take my sisters and me down to the homeless shelter in our neighborhood to help out there. That's about being thankful and giving to those who don't have as much as you do. Met some nice people there every year."

A world without holidays, that's a strange thought. He places a hand on Prim's shoulder. "Well this year we should celebrate Thanksgiving, and be thankful for the people in our lives and the things we've been given... in spite of the location. What do you think?"

The whole thing sounds too good, the kind of thing Prim would press for if she'd had her sister after the Rebellion. The kind of thing she could fight for now. As she gazes up at Derek, a pleasant smile crosses her face. "I'd like that," she admits, finally taking the few extra steps nearer so she can wrap her arms around him. "I'd like that a lot."

Most people wouldn't be getting a hug out of her at their first meeting, even now, though she's been working on touching in general. There's no good in holding herself back anymore. Things might still be rough, but she's been here for months and nothing's happened. She goes to sleep here and wakes up here. Why shouldn't she start to live a little more and who better with than a friend she remembers?

It's amazing, the power of a hug. Maybe Prim knows that. Back home Derek hugged everybody all the time. He had lots of friends to hug. Here, there's not that many people he knows. When she hugs him, that makes Derek smile again. Maybe he'd needed a hug from someone sweet as Prim more than he'd cared to admit. His arms wrap around her to hug her right back.

"Thanks, Prim. You might not know why, but just... thanks." He says. She's given him what he needs without either of them really knowing what it was he's needed. He can only hope he's given her some of that in return.

Prim does know it, though she hadn't known that he specifically needed one right that second. All the same, it's also what she needed, a tangible reminder that this place isn't going to eat her, and so she relaxes into the embrace, holding her friend close. She can say that now: they're friends.

"Thanks for being my friend."

And friends mean more hugs.

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open | you stepped with a heavy tread and left your mark

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